


Young Volcanoes

by insertfandomjoke



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Fluff, Happy Ending, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Implied past abusive relationship, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, M/M, Minor Bullying, Minor Character Death, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn, Tags May Change, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-05 10:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16808527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertfandomjoke/pseuds/insertfandomjoke
Summary: Virgil, Logan, Patton and Roman are as different as can be, but somehow become friends over the course of their last year of high school together. The story mostly follows Virgil and Patton as they juggle their home lives, friendships and romances as they learn to open up to each other.Their teacher, Mr Sanders, helps them as much as he can.





	1. Look Down at the Ground

**Author's Note:**

> [Read on Wattpad](https://open.spotify.com/user/7k3xs1npzi4qs2tj6zikg7hsc/playlist/1gDMDfVmjK7H4XyGGOeBsR?si=uhGVRxpiSxyKiIxBj_22jw%E2%80%9D>Young%20Volcanoes%20Playlist</a>%20\(to%20be%20added%20to\)%0A%0A<a%20href=)

Virgil hitched his tattered backpack higher up on his shoulder as he lingered at the towering iron-wrought gates. The faded metal sign announced  _ Sanders State High School  _ in what was supposed to be a welcoming font. Virgil gulped upon seeing it.

In front of the looming ashen building was a lush courtyard to overcompensate for the gloomy aesthetic of the school. There was no one meandering around, which was to be expected for someone who was over an hour early for the first day of school. The wind rustled Virgil’s faded purple hair - over the holidays, he had tried out the vibrant dye for the first time, but he was too nervous to wear it out anywhere. Not that he had anywhere to go regardless.

Still.

Although it was summer, stepping through the gates sent a shiver down his spine. His memories of this place were largely insignificant, but those that stood out were enough to spike his anxiety. Speaking of anxiety…

Yeah, no, he definitely took his meds this morning. Unless he was remembering a different morning. God, school was messing with his head already.

At least he was a senior now - only one more year of hell until he was free to live out the college dream in whatever crummy school accepted him.

He slunk his way through the school’s entranceway and quickly located one of his many hiding spots. Today, it was the backstage of the auditorium - hushed, musty, tenebrous and void of life. Perfect.

Virgil sunk down against the wall, careful to avoid the numerous wires running along the floor. He plonked his backpack in front of him and unzipped it, taking care as to not get the zipper snagged on any loose threads.

He had double and triple checked that he had everything he needed for today before he had left the apartment, but some part of his brain urged him to flick through his books again in case the hole at the bottom of his bag had widened enough for everything to fall out on his way to school.

The subjects were crossed off in his head - no P.E. or anything close to resembling physical activity this year, thankfully; Physics; AP Lit.; Health; Calculus; AP European History; Art (only because he had put off getting his art credit and refused to perform in front of  _ anyone _ ); and finally, Psychology. That was the one he was most excited for - his Psych class last year had been full of some of the coolest people. While none of them were really friends, they had been his sole moment of respite in an otherwise hellish domain.

A thud resonated through the auditorium. Virgil heard two rambunctious voices approach the stage, and he stopped his mental run-through of the teachers he would most likely have and their expectations to make sure the intruders weren’t going near him. 

When he failed because he didn’t format an assignment the teacher’s preferred way, he knew who to blame. 

Except, he didn’t. The thick black curtain obscured from him from the intruders’ view and vice-versa.

He lifted himself off the floor, planting his feet square on to prevent the sneakers from giving away his location. The books were lowered into his bag and the zip was done up at a snail’s pace.

Virgil winced at each creak of the floorboards as he tiptoed his way to side-stage. The curtains swished at the slightest touch, Virgil learnt quickly, before he resumed his steady creeping. He peered through a gap in the black fabric to see a fellow senior dressed up in a red denim jacket, a tank with a crown on it and tight-fitting (dare he say,  _ tailored _ ) jeans. He didn’t know much about shoes, but he was sure that whatever this guy wore was at least twenty times the cost of his faded, Target-brand canvas.

Even weirder than such an expensive outfit and a teenage boy who looked decent was the fact that he was reciting Romeo and Juliet. Or, was trying to.

“No, no, Patton! Act two, scene two. The one where Romeo’s outside Juliet’s window!” the student huffed.

“Sorry, Ro!” his friend, Patton, called from his seat in the front row. “Oh, I see it!  _ Ahem.”  _ Patton cleared his throat, read over the line, set the script aside and gazed up at Romeo. Virgil waited in apprehension. “Ay me!”

Oh. Was that it? With such a dramatic build up, Virgil had thought -  _ holy hell, that other guy was amazing. _

Romeo utilised his hands as much as possible, yet prevented overuse of gestures. This was made easier by the fact he didn’t have a script - wait, did he memorise it? There wasn’t a single hesitation in his lament over Juliet’s beauty, and the Old English flowed around the theatre, smooth as butter. 

Patton read out Juliet’s part, and although the guy also had some talent, Virgil just wanted to see Romeo perform again. 

“I take thee at thy word!” Romeo exclaimed, kneeling upstage before Patton. “Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptised. Henceforth, I never will be Romeo.”

Patton giggled. Then, Romeo allowed himself to smile, the seriousness of his role melting away, and he reached a hand out to Patton to bring him onstage. He didn’t drop it like Virgil expected. Instead, he bowed down to press a kiss to it.

Okay, now  _ he  _ was the intruder. Virgil averted his gaze and was about to turn tail when Romeo’s eyes snapped to him.

“Dear stranger, you may emerge from your hiding place now!” he commanded. His bespectacled friend squinted into the darkness too.

There was no escape. Brilliant.

Virgil stepped out into the blinding light, shoulders hunched and fist clenched around his backpack strap. “Sorry, I was curious - I didn’t mean to spy or anything!” Profuse apologies of the same sort were about to follow when Romeo simply waved his hand as if to dismiss them.

“I will say, it was awfully considerate for you to not interrupt the show, so I’ll forgive you for crashing the party in the first place. I’m Roman Lucanus: theatre group and student body president; and this is Patton Adde: top of art for all three years he’s been here.” At this, Patton turned pink and shrugged. “And you are?”

Virgil barely stopped a scowl from spreading over his face.  _ What a prick, acting all important like that. Who gave a shit about student body president? He didn’t even know he had a student council, so take that. _

“Virgil. Virgil Maro.” That was all he offered. Patton strode forward to shake his hand, which he did gladly. When Patton stepped back to Roman’s side, Virgil let his arm drop to his side. Neither Roman nor Virgil moved.

“Oh, I’ve heard about you,” Roman began instead. “You’re one of the supersmart, out-of-catchment kids that they give those grants to, right?”

Not even two minutes into the conversation and his financial status had already been made known to everyone in the room. Cool. 

Roman coughed. “Well, anyway, are you a Shakespeare fan?”

“Mmm.”

“...So, Romeo and Juliet. Greatest love story ever, right?” Roman prompted.

Virgil sucked in a breath of air. “I mean, that certainly is one take,” he mumbled, scuffing his shoe along the stage. The tongue of it flopped out. He’d have to duct tape it later...

“I take it from that expression that you disagree.” Roman raised his eyebrows expectantly. Patton also seemed genuinely interested, if the eye contact was anything to go off of.

“Well, obviously it’s a tragedy, but not just because they both died at the end, right?” Virgil looked up at them. They hadn’t tuned him out yet, so he continued. “Like, yeah, the romance is a big part of it, but it’s more about how these two young people tried to go against what their families expected and the ideals that were pushed on them. They find each other amidst a pointless family feud, and despite how trapped they feel, they have a sanctuary in each other. The tragedy is that the families try to protect them by constantly tearing that sanctuary down with arranged marriages and the likes, which ultimately leads to the feeling that without each other, there’s no point. So really-”

Virgil froze, then chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, that’s what I think, anyway.”

“No, continue!” Patton begged. “I’ve only ever heard Roman’s view, and I never thought about it that way.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Roman sighed. “Fine, if you’re going to remain so clammed up about your opinions, then how about some facts? Tell us about yourself, Vigil.”

“It’s Virgil.”

“Ah hah! I’ve already gleaned one fact from the un-openable clam!”

“I literally told you that two minutes ago,” Virgil pointed out, but it fell on deaf ears.

“ _ Come on,  _ Hot Topic!” (“Virgil.”) Roman whined. “Do you have siblings? What’s your favourite class?”

“Hobbies?” Patton piped up. “Oh! What are you good at? If you like Shakespeare so much, does that mean you’re doing drama?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Pat! The drama people have remained unchanged for three years, so I doubt Vermin-”

“ _ Virgil. _ ”

“- will have joined out of the blue!” Roman turned to him. “Tell Pat I’m right!”

Before he had to dodge doing so with all the subtlety of a horse in a hospital (or worse, answer those goddamn questions), the bell’s shrill ring set his fight-or-flight in motion. He had brushed past them and fled the room before the last ring was completed.

The welcome back assembly was spent stressing over Roman and Patton probably thinking he was some weirdo now. They probably hated him. What was worse was that from the limited interaction with them, Virgil got the sense the pair was well-liked, so if he had made an extraordinarily bad impression, he’d become even more of an outcast than he was already. 

Let’s be real, that would be a feat in itself since he was so out of the loop he hadn’t even known the names of Mr Student President and Mr Top Of Art. Wait, fuck. He’d see that guy - Patton or whatever - in Art, wouldn’t he?

On his way to first period, he came to the conclusion that considering he had never really seen them in previous years, it was doubtful that that would be any different this year. Maybe Patton had Art on a different line. Who knew, maybe the universe wouldn’t be a dick for once?

He forgot about them entirely as he stood outside the door to his AP Lit. classroom. Everyone was already inside - he had been late because the guidance officer had requested him to go to her office straight after assembly for a “quick chat” about college applications, despite it being mid-August. Apparently, she was “concerned” about his “lack of ambition”, and how he, of all people, shouldn’t take a “could care less” attitude about his future.

Virgil had only nodded at that and kept the comment about common misspoken phrases to himself.

He kept his head down as he walked in, to no avail.

His teacher - Mr Sanders, he recognised with a sigh of relief - welcomed him to class. Although he had never had him before, he knew Mr Sanders was a student favourite - he was as lenient as a teacher could get but students still respected him. No one wanted to get on the bad side of the nicest staff member in school.

Virgil fished in his pockets for the note, fingers trembling as the class stared. When he finally grasped the slip of paper, he flashed it to him, not wanting to announce to the class that the school thought he was so much of a screw up that he got kept from class to talk about it.

Mr Sanders nodded and Virgil looked up to find a seat.

Of course, the only one left is at the middle of the front row. At least it was next to someone he knew.

Last year, he and Logan had shared the same AP Language class. They both must have switched to Literature - a decision Virgil regretted when he saw Patton and Roman waving at him from the seats behind him. Great.

“Alright class, listen up!” Mr Sanders clapped his hands together. “Now that we’re all here, we can get right into the schoolwork!” Cue a groan from every student ever. “Hah, I know, who wants to do schoolwork on the first day back? Anyways, a quick introduction. My name’s Mr Sanders, but don’t be fooled into thinking I’ll be a hard butt. My students from last year will probably tell you that I’m quite easy-going.”

Roman whooped, making the class giggle.

“Thank you, Lucanus. Even so, I expect you to uphold school rules because this is my school. Well, it was and still is my father’s, but still.” Mr Sanders grinned expectantly at the class.

Virgil pursed his lips.

“Ah, okay, so that joke flopped. Thank you… what was your name, sorry?”

“Maro.”

“No first name? How mysterious.”

“No, sorry, I just thought that because you called Roman  _ Lucanus,  _ that you wanted my last name, and I-”

“Don’t worry, Mr Maro. I’m incredible at guessing! Do you happen to be Virgil, by any chance?”

Virgil bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. He could only guess which rumours his teacher had in mind. He had heard the whispers; teachers weren’t subtle. He knew they thought he had  _ wasted potential,  _ and he had  _ drawn into himself ever since his dad left.  _ Yeah, as if that piece of shit was responsible for his anxiety. He had been like this for ages and it wasn’t like he was close to his father anyway. 

“Duly noted. On with the lesson! Alright, so our first unit will be poetry.” The class groaned louder this time. “Yeah, okay, so it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but…”

Mr Sanders continued on to explain how that he knew of some super talented student in that regards, and how he had read some of their work and was blown away, yadda yadda yadda. Both Logan and Roman straightened up while Virgil slouched down, figuring he could tune him out.

He got out a chewed-on pen and doodled half-heartedly in the margins of his brand new book. He was midway through a sickass Evanescence logo when Logan nudged him, sending purple ink skidding across his page.

Virgil’s head snapped up. A quick cursory glance revealed that the rest of the class was looking at him (again). Roman was lowkey glaring, which didn’t bode well.

Mr Sanders waved a hand in front of his face. “Up! Up you get, come on, I know sitting is fun and all but I want everyone to know the face of modern-day Shakespeare.”

His face was burning. He wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but he pushed out his chair anyway, wincing as metal scraped against tile, then slowly rose. He didn’t dare turn around. 

“Virgil Maro: the poetry star at our school.” Virgil must have looked as stunned as he felt, because Mr Sanders took pity on him and allowed him to sit down almost straight away. 

Virgil yanked his hood over his head and scribbled furiously in the upper left margin. He wished he was able to whip out his headphones, but as “easy-going” as his teacher was, he doubted he’d allow someone to overtly ignore him.

The first day was always the worst, so maybe things would get better. Who knew?


	2. Feel Their Cold Minds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan fell sick, leaving Virgil to face the wolves (Patton and Roman) alone. They ended up talking.

Mr Sanders finished introducing the topic and what their assessment would be (their own poem, naturally, because why the fuck not), then gave the class permission to do whatever they wanted. Virgil and Logan were the only ones who stayed seated.

“I didn’t know you were good at poetry,” Logan commented, adding a final full stop to his notes.

Virgil scrunched his nose up at how neat they were. “I mean, I think Mr Sanders exaggerated a bit. Plus, I have to be decent at  _ one  _ thing, you know?”

“I’m sure he didn’t exaggerate at all!” Patton exclaimed from behind him.

Virgil jumped and turned around to see Patton sitting atop Roman’s desk. “When did you two switch?” he asked.

“Switch? Us? I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Roman exclaimed, plonking his things down on what  _ had  _ been Patton’s desk. “I’ve clearly been here all along.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Sure, Romeo.”

“As much as I wish that were my name, it’s Roman.”

“Okay, Romano.”

“Ah. I see what’s happening here. Well played, Marilyn Morose!”

“Roman!” Patton scolded. 

“Oh, of course  _ I’m  _ in the wrong!”

The two descended into bickering. Virgil rolled his eyes and turned back to his own desk. He didn’t have his phone because he dedicated so much time checking his books that he forgot the one essential item every high schooler needed.

You know, like an absolute buffoon.

A red book was plonked onto his desk. He looked over at Logan, who was engaged in what appeared to be  _ To Kill a Mockingbird. _

“From my experience, if you desire to be ignored by certain… classmates, then it’s best to appear engaged in a book,” Logan muttered, not once looking up.

Virgil picked it up.  _ Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda.  _ He grinned and began to read straight away. He had heard so much about the book, and apparently, a movie was coming out  _ next year.  _ He couldn’t wait.

(He was so excited he forgot to panic over whether or not Logan was aware that he was, well, not straight. That was for later, in his private room at a little past midnight.)

Only after he had finished the first chapter did he remember to thank Logan.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Oh, okay then. Virgil continued, reading as fast as he could. He only had a few minutes left-

The bell rung. Of course.

“Class dismissed!” Mr Sanders called, but half of the students were already out the door.

Virgil raced to finish the page he was on. He saw Logan shoving the last of his things into his bag out of the corner of his eye so he sighed and thrust it his way.

Logan looked at it, then at him. “I’ve already finished it. You seemed invested in it so you can keep it.”

“Oh, are you sure -” Logan was already walking away. Virgil raced out after him.

The first week flew by. Luckily for him, the only class he shared with Patton and Roman was AP Lit. each morning, barring the art lesson he had with Patton. Unluckily, they all had the same lunch.

It wasn’t too bad - he had Logan by his side. The two were… Virgil didn’t know if Logan considered them to be on friend-level, so he would just say  _ friendly acquaintances.  _ They had swapped numbers last week, so when Virgil’s phone pinged with a message on his walk to school, he assumed Logan wanted Virgil’s opinion on their poetry homework.

He had been doing that a lot, and each time, Virgil felt shittier about his own abilities. He didn’t know why Mr Sanders made such a big deal when Logan’s own writing was phenomenal. He actually understood the symbolism and metaphors and whatever, whereas Virgil occasionally stumbled his way onto a half-decent phrase.

Long story short, he didn’t check his phone until he got to school, figuring his depressed mood should begin in a depressing place.

When he did read the grey bubbles, he swore.

**logan**

_ Virgil, _

_ I’m sorry to inform you that I will not be attending school today. I’m aware that we have made it a habit to sit together, however, after careful consideration of the pros and cons of staying home, I found it was more beneficial to my health to allow myself to recover.  _

_ Would you please send me the notes for our Literature, Physics and Psychology classes? I also require Drama and Algebra notes, which you can get from Roman and Patton. Unfortunately, I don’t have either of their numbers. _

_ I apologise for any inconvenience. _

**Virgil Maro**

_ ok so a few things: _

  1. _a) you know you dont have to be formal right?? like i’d be chill if u were just “hey virge im not gonna be here, send me notes for xyz, and get sir-sing-a-lot & patton to give u these notes_
  2. _b) i dont have p &r’s numbers either?_
  3. _c) i thought u had gov. 7th period? since when were u in my psych class and also_
  4. _d) drAMA? did not take u for that kinda guy_



**logan**

_ Your suggestion regarding my typing style has been duly noted. Unfortunately, I prefer to utilise the proper English language instead of typing like a neanderthal. _

_ About our Psychology class, yes, I did indeed have Government. However, four classes shared with Roman is far too many, and I enjoy the others far more so I decided to change. Also, I put off getting my art credit until this year. I hope I will only be required to do minor roles in exchange for taking backstage positions. _

Virgil grimaced sympathetically. The late bell began to ring, so Virgil shoved his phone in his pocket and pushed his way to his Lit. classroom.

He got in just before the ringing was over and Mr Sanders raised an eyebrow at him, but otherwise didn’t comment. Virgil plonked down in his seat and got out his materials. A second later, he heard Roman hiss his name. He tried to ignore it, but when his daily annoyance resorted to poking him, he gave up.

Roman was still seated diagonally behind him. For some reason, Patton and Roman never switched back.

“ _ Finally.  _ Anyways, Count Woe-laf, where’s Specs at?” Roman leaned forward.

“Will you ever run out of those?”

He grinned. “Probably not, no. Seriously. Book Germ - where is he?”

“ _ Logan  _ has told me that he’s sick,” Virgil corrected before he remembered what had been requested of him. He started to mumble. “He, uh, wanted me to ask you guys for - um, I think it was Algebra and Drama notes? So if you could send them-”

Roman straightened up and clapped his hands together. “That’s a great idea!” Mr Sanders shot him a look. “Sorry,” he whispered. As soon as Mr Sanders faced the whiteboard again, Roman continued. “As I was saying, Patton, why don’t you give him your number so you can give him the schoolwork?”

He gestured towards Virgil with his eyes frantically. Patton laughed, but Virgil saw the red tips of his ears. The usually joyous teen was quiet as a mouse when he handed over his phone.

See, this was why Virgil didn’t want to talk to them. He was never able to tell if they tolerated or hated him - this behaviour leant more to the hate side.

He gulped back the rising anxiety and entered his phone number, backspacing and retyping it a few times. He almost tossed it back at Patton; he was that freaked by the whole situation.

“I’ll text you later!” Patton promised before Mr Sanders sighed and frowned at them. The three didn’t speak for the rest of the lesson, each not wanting to upset him. 

Virgil wondered if Patton’s sudden cheery attitude afterwards meant that it was chill between them.

On his way to the cafeteria, he distracted himself from thinking about where the hell he was going to sit by updating Logan on the situation.

**logan**

_ Patton gave you his number? That’s odd. It would’ve made more sense for Roman to do so, considering we share both the subjects I need notes for, whereas Patton’s only in the same Algebra class as us. _

**Virgil Maro**

_ im prettyyyyy sure roman hates me so thats why :/ _

**logan**

_ {Link: Cognitive Distortions and Anxiety} _

Virgil frowned at the last word, then entered the zoo.

On his way to the serving tables, he had to do the familiar dance of navigating his way around the jocks (Nate, Harley, Brian and Apollo were the only ones who nodded at him or otherwise acknowledged his existence), the goths ( _ hello,  _ Elliott, Kai and Jericho), the weirdos (Imaji, Lilith and Missy were stood on their table, regaling their most recent exploit to an enraptured Emile, Linda and Imani), the drama group (surprisingly, Roman wasn’t there, unlike Valerie, Talyn, Terrence and Joan) and finally, the too-cool-for-you squad.

That table was comprised of Remy, Toby and Seth. He was sure that if they didn’t radiate such a cool, untouchable aura, everyone would flock to them to get a second in the limelight. Goodness, Virgil remembered hanging out with them for a while in middle school, before his anxiety got to the level where he couldn’t go two seconds without worrying over what he said or did.

It wasn’t like they ditched him - they actually tried their best to stick around, but Virgil may or may not have shut himself off from all social interaction. You can’t exactly be friends with a brick wall.

He actually made it early enough to steal the last of the fish sticks, so he was in a decent mood as he exited the line. That is, until he looked for a place to sit.

Usually, Logan got there first because of his spare in third period. He’d always reserve the far corner table for them, far away from the absolute fuckery that was the rest of the school. Today, however, it had been overtaken. By Roman and Patton. Of course.

He considered taking his lunch elsewhere - perhaps the library. He had his eyes glued steadfast to the gum-covered, scraped-to-hell floors. The maintenance was pretty par for the course for a public school, albeit a competitive, seclusive one.

(A kid voiced his thoughts when she had the misfortune of accidentally brushing her hand on the underside of the table. She proceeded to complain about the out-of-catchment scholarship kids stealing all the money because they couldn’t afford something as simple as school equipment, which, rude. Sure, she was sure as hell right about  _ him,  _ but he knew Brian worked thrice as hard as everyone in the school combined, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Valerie shared the same IQ as Einstein. But whatever. It wasn’t like Virgil had the guts to say his thoughts aloud.)

“Virgil! Over here!” It was Roman’s obnoxiously loud voice, obviously, because who else would make Virgil the centre of attention in the worst possible situation?

Roman and Patton had seen him now (along with thirty other students), so he couldn’t continue on his path to… well, not there. Once he got his tray steady, Virgil let out an inaudible sigh and changed his trajectory. 

“Hey,” he greeted, hovering at the far end of the table.

“Don’t be a stranger, Stranger Thing! Why don’t you take the seat next to Patton? I was going to use  _ that  _ chair to rest my legs.”

Virgil chewed at his inner cheek in an effort not to roll his eyes, but he did what he said anyway. He could count his interactions with Patton on one hand (once in the auditorium and roughly three times in Mr Sanders’ class), yet he still preferred overly-nice to arrogant-twat.

Even if he was pretty sure Patton secretly hated him, at least he didn’t show it.

Also, on a related note, Virgil was 99% sure Roman either despised him or had a crush on Logan. It sounded weird, but the fact of the matter was that Roman constantly claimed Logan, leaving Patton to pair with him whenever Mr Sanders made them brainstorm with a partner, despite Logan being  _ Virgil’s  _ friend. Then, Roman had the nerve to act like it was “such a coincidence” that they ended up together “as if the universe wanted it to be that way!”

(Oh yeah, it turned out Patton and Roman  _ weren’t  _ dating. However, from the comments Roman had made, Virgil knew the guy wasn’t straight. Samesies.)

He’d feel sorry for Roman, considering Logan had made his annoyance and complete lack of interest abundantly clear, except that there was a gargantuan chance that it was actually the former option. Plus, whether or not he disliked Virgil, Roman kind of brought the disinterest from Logan on himself.

He was constantly bragging about his family holidays, and how his father would take him to this and that. Virgil interpreted that as a dig on him, with his absent father, work-consumed mother and depressing financial situation, even though he knew Roman was clueless about most of that. He was fairly sure Roman wasn’t even aware he bragged so much. 

Still.

The conversation turned to what they did on the weekend. Now that was a true token of awkward small talk.

When Patton talked about how he and his…  _ seven  _ (Virgil must have misheard) brothers had planned to see a movie after school this week, Virgil turned the question on Roman, who wasn’t bursting with grand stories for once.

As soon as the words “What about you?” were out of his mouth, it was like a flip had been switched.

Roman straightened up, raised his gaze from the graffitied table and let out a deep laugh.

“Me? Well, my dad flew me and Patton over to Orlando for the Romeo and Juliet audition. He didn’t go with us, because he’s just so busy, busy, busy with his work! ‘Spose it was for the best though, because I got one of his unlimited cards  _ and  _ a 5-star hotel! Dear Patton didn’t audition, but it was great, wasn’t it?”

Virgil looked to Patton. He was fiddling with his thumbs and when he saw the attention was on him, he smiled through pursed lips.

“Yeah… Yeah, it sure was something,” he answered softly. Either Roman didn’t hear, or he chose to ignore it.

Patton recovered from whatever funk he was in pretty quickly, so Virgil didn’t call him out on it. He did, however, tune out the rest of Roman’s spiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter picks up the pace a bit, so stay tuned for that! Just want to throw it out there that I have no clue how American high schools work if anything seems a bit odd. I'm Australian and we have four subjects a day, with two lunch breaks but uhhh apparently that's not how things work in USA so *shrugs*
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!


	3. Take You for a Ride, Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Roman's weekend wasn't as grand as Roman made it out to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: there are two instances of implied/referenced homophobia, and there are references to an emotionally abusive parent, all in the italicised part.

Patton plonked his chin on his hand as Roman exaggerated their weekend. Yeah, they  _ did  _ go to Orlando so Roman could audition for Romeo and Juliet, and they  _ did  _ have an unlimited card and a five-star hotel room, but…

It wasn’t  _ fantastic _ , that was for sure.

_ Roman had driven to his home in the middle of the night. Patton had woken up to Remy, who was up at all hours, telling him that Roman and his “overcompensation automobile” were parked outside. At that, he shot out of bed and snuck downstairs as fast as he could, making sure his onesie-covered feet didn’t slip on the narrow steps. _

_ That would wake up the rest of his brothers, and some weren’t as understanding as Remy (and even that wasn’t much) when it came to Roman. Toby was particularly protective of him and viewed Roman as a threat because of these exact situations, with Roman picking him up at midnight and all, but he didn’t know Roman like Patton did.  _

_ Come to think of it, maybe Toby disliked Roman because Patton refused to adhere to his words of warning  _ only  _ when it came to him. _

_ He grabbed a chair to get the key from its place on top of the fridge, presumably there because it was a safe location that his guardians thought no one knew about. (It was an oath that the seven of them shared to never reveal that they did, in fact, know everything about the home, including supposedly secret key locations. Even those who caused trouble for the rest never dared to go any further than the occasional threat of tittle-tattling.)  _

_ He unlocked the door and left the key in the lock as he slipped outside. Remy (or, if he decided to have an early night, then Seth, who rose at the crack of dawn) would come down later and lock up before returning it to its original position. _

_ Roman was leaning on the hood of his red sports car. “Took you long enough,” he nodded, then got in the passenger’s seat. _

_ Patton didn’t say anything as he entered through the other side. He gave Roman a once-over out of the corner of his eye - disheveled hair, sunglasses that rivalled Remy’s and fingers that drummed on his seatbelt until he caught him looking. He huffed and tossed Patton the keys. _

_ There was no doubt in Patton’s mind that he had gotten into another fight with his father. It couldn’t have been about his grades - the school year had just begun. Maybe it was Roman’s sexuality again? That was a common one, but no, he had never reacted like this. _

_ “So… where are we going?” Patton asked, shifting his gaze to the windshield in an effort to seem casual. He started up the car, slipping Roman’s keys in the ignition with a practised ease. _

_ “The airport, my dear friend. Auditions are this weekend in Orlando.” _

_ “Is there even a flight at this time?” Patton set off down the road. The rearview mirror showed a figure watching from his lit bedroom window. _

_ … That was a problem for Monday. _

_ “Yeah, I checked before I left.” Roman fished his phone out of his pocket with one hand and unlocked it. He opened Google, then chucked it at Patton. _

_ “Roman!” Patton screeched as the car jerked to one side. _

_ “Chill, compadre.” He rolled his eyes. “Besides, I work best outside the lines.” _

_ “I guess you’re more talented than I am. I have to focus on the road if we want to get there without...” _

_ “Don’t you trust me?” _

_ Patton frowned. “You know I do.” He glanced down at Google and saw that their flight left in an hour. Roman said the weekend, so he’d have to text one of his brothers to cover for him. Roman was more important than the consequences he’d face when he got back on Sunday/Monday. _

_ When Patton pulled into the airport, his concern only grew. Roman had gotten them first class tickets, pulling out his dad’s card, and snapped at anyone who dared to even squint their eyes at Patton’s pyjama-clothed self. Then, when they had arrived in Orlando, Roman worked himself up over the fact that no department stores were open and therefore he wasn’t able to get Patton a change of clothes. _

_ When they had finally arrived at their hotel room, Roman slammed the door open, shaking the wall. That didn’t bode well for what was about to follow. _

_ Roman immediately flung the lamp on the bedside table across the room. Patton winced as it shattered, but didn’t stop him. He watched on, not saying a word as his friend cracked his sunglasses against a far away wall, revealing red-rimmed eyes, nor when his breathing picked up as he let out a guttural scream. At least Roman would’ve been classed as a VIP guest, ‘cause otherwise they’d have to find a new hotel to stay at tomorrow. _

_ Once he had tired himself out, he collapsed on the bed, head in Patton’s lap as he sobbed himself out. Patton stroked his hair until his shoulders had stopped shaking and Roman had finished his quiet explanation. _

_ He had told his dad about the audition.  _

_ And he hadn’t given two shits. _

_ “He didn’t even make his usual comment about how he should’ve known I was a homo all along. He didn’t even look at me. So I took one of his precious fucking cards and booked a fucking flight and this stupid hotel room and I  _ know  _ he’s aware of what I’m doing but he still. Doesn’t. CARE!” _

Virgil’s eyes bored holes into him. Patton blinked himself back to the present and realised Roman was on an entirely new topic. He tended to do that - jump from story and story to hide any questionable details and keep people from focussing on the truth.

Underneath the table, Patton nudged Roman’s bouncing leg with his foot. Roman didn’t stop talking, but he made eye contact and his leg stilled. Patton’s eyes softened. He smiled, hooked their feet together, then let go. Roman knew Patton was always there for him. It didn’t take more than a small reminder for him to remember.

Patton just wished Roman didn’t feel the need to overcompensate like that. It was sort of his own fault for bringing up his brothers when he knew better than anyone that family was a touchy subject when it came to his best friend of almost a decade.

Ever since… ever since they met, it became pretty clear that the f-word should never even be uttered around Roman Lucanus.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He glanced at Virgil, who was on his own phone, and figured it wouldn’t be rude if he checked it now.

_ 1 new message in The Better Brothers. _

**Remy**

_ Gurlllll, you look as sad and gloomy as your little crush! Is Roman stunting again? Tell that boy to chill his wildin gills before I come over there and dump this disgusting milk all over him. _

**#1 Bro until Toby gives me his chips**

_ It’s fine, Remy!! _

_ And Toby doesn’t have to share if he doesn’t want to! _

**toby**

_ i know i dont. _

**Sweet Sethy**

_ He does know that you like. Live in a home right? As in all our parents are DEAD??? Capital D????? _

**Remy**

_ Oh, always capital D ;) _

**_Remy_ ** _ set your name to  _ **_#1 Bro bc Toby sux_ ** _. _

**#1 Bro bc Toby sux**

_ R E M Y.  _

**Sweet Sethy**

_ Don’t worry, Patton! Sitting with Remy every break has numbed me to his innuendos. _

**#1 Bro bc Toby sux**

_ That makes me even more worried! D: _

_ Remy, stop changing my name! And Toby doesn’t suck :( _

**toby**

_ i do that and more, actually. _

**Sweet Sethy**

_ MY EYES. MY POOR INNOCENT EYES! _

_ Oh, and there’s no use in trying to fight Remy’s names. I’ve been stuck as Sweet Sethy for two years now. _

**_Remy_ ** _ set your name to  _ **_Patton-Cake_ ** _. _

**Patton-Cake**

_ That’s because you’re sweet! _

**toby**

_ its bc ur sweet. _

**Remy**

_ Cuz it’s true, Sweet Sethy of mine! _

**Sweet Sethy**

_ This is me-phobic. _

“Are you texting Remy?” Roman asked, causing Patton’s head to whip up, eyes wide. Roman sighed. “Is he insulting me again?”

Patton scrunched up his face and did an  _ err  _ motion with his hand.

“Why do your brothers hate me?” Roman moped.

Virgil’s phone clattered on the tabletop. “Wait,  _ what?  _ Remy’s your  _ brother? _ ”

“And Toby. And Seth. And Tyler. And De - but he’s in middle school. And two others, but they graduated a few years back so you probably won’t know them.”

Virgil gaped at him. “Are you, Remy and Toby like, triplets or something? I know Seth’s a freshman, so I guess that explains  _ that,  _ but like, you don’t look anything alike.”

Patton laughed. “Oh, no, actually. We’re not biologically related.” Seeing that Virgil was still confused, he continued. “I’ve been in the home since I was…” He thought for a second.

“Eight,” Roman supplied instantaneously, “a few days after we met.”

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to pry like that; you didn’t have to tell anything. I’m sorry.”

Patton shook his head. “It’s fine, Virge - can I call you Virge?” He nodded. “Great! Well, as I was saying, that was ages ago. I rarely think about them anymore. I’ve gone over half my life without them and while I miss them, it’s not worth getting hung up on, you know?”

Virgil shrugged. “If you say so.”

He went back to his phone. Patton, desperate to hold his attention, blurted out, “So what are you doing this afternoon?”

Even Roman looked surprised at his forwardness. He had tried to push the two together for the past week and a bit, yet nothing had come of it so far. Patton lamented over his weirdness around Virgil, but Roman kept saying things like “Good, you’re perfect for him!” instead of helping like a  _ good friend. _

Patton had begun to feel that it was hopeless (he didn’t even know if Virgil swung that way). Roman, however, remained persistent, going as far as to claim Logan for their paired poetry project.

It had gotten to the point where Patton suspected his friend had a crush. He had no one to voice his thoughts to though, as his brothers either refused to discuss romance with him or avoided the topic of Roman like the plague.

He was getting off track.

“Me?” Virgil squeaked. Patton fought the urge to grin at how adorable that was and just bobbed his head. “Oh, I’m- why?”

“What do you mean, why?” He tilted his head to the side. “I want to spend time with you!”

“Really?”

Virgil sounded unconvinced. Patton frowned. “Of course! Roman and I were going to just hang out at the park or something, but if there’s something you want to do, like see a movie or- well, we’ll get to that later. So? What do you think?” He leaned closer to a smiling Virgil, trying to downplay his eagerness.

Virgil opened his mouth, but then closed it as his smile dissipated. He stared at his hands. “Sorry, I have work,” he mumbled.

Patton pulled back, shoulders dropping. “Oh. That’s okay. Another time, then?”

“ _ Or,”  _ Roman cut in, “we can come and bring the party to you! Where do you work, Virge?”

“Only my friends can call me Virge.”

Roman barked out a startled laugh. “Oof, your scathing attitude is quite cutting!”

“Thank you. Anyway, uh, I work at Starbucks.”

“Really?” Patton asked. “Roman takes me all the time and we’ve never seen you before.”

“It’s not the one near school. It’s, uh, closer to Central High School.”

Roman let out a low whistle. “Why would you do that to yourself? That’s, like, a thousand light years away.”

“It’s actually closer to my home.”

“Wait, don’t you walk to school?” Patton interjected.

“Yeah, how’d you know that?”

“Never mind that.” Roman waved his hand. “Wouldn’t it be like… a two hour walk to Sanders’ each day? Why not just… catch the bus?”

“I save that money for getting the bus to work. Then I can spend five minutes walking home and pass out immediately.”

“Hold up, you can’t even afford the bus?”

Patton elbowed Roman. He was straight forward at the worst possible times.

“...Yeah.” Virgil’s eyes narrowed. See, this was what Patton  _ didn’t  _ want to happen.

“Sweet Meryl Streep, you must be super smart to get one of those grants! No wonder Mr Sanders was such a fan over your poetry. Speaking of, you  _ have  _ to let me read it sometime! How’d you get so good?”

Okay, so maybe he should’ve trusted Roman.

“You mean, you really haven’t pieced it together yet?” Patton was sure his blank stare matched Roman’s perfectly. “My name. Virgil. My mum - she was a massive poetry nerd. And my dad, he liked history. They sort of just decided it had to be a Roman poet - no jokes please, Romeo - and because of my last name, they decided that taking my name from Publius Vergilius Maro was a good idea. Thankfully my dad, as much of an asshole as he turned out to be, had the common sense to think  _ hey, maybe let’s not give this sucker a name that can be turned into pubic jokes.  _ Unfortunately, Virgil isn’t much better, as Roman constantly demonstrates.”

Roman winced. “Sorry. I’ll lay off the nicknames.”

“Don’t bother. Some of them are quite amusing. Props on the Count Woe-laf one.”

“Aren’t you just the Sweeny-test!” Patton and Virgil grimaced. “Okay, yeah, that was one of my worst ones. Maybe I should stick to insults. Anyways! Why don’t I drive you to work? Then whenever you get off we can have dinner or something?”

Patton noticed Virgil drop eye contact. “Oh, I… I was going to study tonight. You’re welcome to stop by my work, though. I’ve got the cool manager this shift - their name’s Joan. They’re super relaxed about rules too, so on my break I’d be able to sit with you both for a while. Then again, you two are probably busy and I don’t want to make you waste time…”

“It sounds excellent!” Patton assured him. Virgil looked up from under his purple (huh, he had purple hair? It looked good) fringe and smiled at him. Patton swallowed and grabbed his milk, hoping that chugging it would keep his face’s rising temperature from giving him away.

Roman smirked at him from across the table, so he was most likely failing. Virgil didn’t seem to have a clue though.

“Cool.” Virgil paused, watching as Patton put the empty carton down. He looked kind of disgusted with him. That was more than fair. Patton didn’t know how he managed to stomach that. “So, see you after 7th period?”

“Yeah!” Patton exclaimed. “I mean, sure.” Remy had told him being casual was the way to go with these sorts of things. Judging from Roman’s small shake of his head, his brother was right.

“...Okay. I’ve got Psychology.”

“Since Patton has Parenting, we’re better off meeting outside my Government classroom. It’s closer to the carpark.”

Lunch ended soon after. Patton made sure to promise to see Virge later, before Remy and Toby slung their arms across each shoulder and dragged him away from his friends.

They lectured him - something about how cool was the new hot - but Patton was too happy from the successful interaction to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title: Fun by Troye Sivan
> 
> The last two chapters were both lyrics in Bleeding Heart by Regina Spektor. (All songs can be found in the Young Volcanoes Spotify playlist.)
> 
> Next chapter comes out at December 8th, 7am AEST!
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter and I also hope you're not tooooo mad at me, because there's a lot to come ;)


	4. All You Gotta Do is Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton drives to Virgil's work and faces the repercussions of his weekend excursion with Roman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Patton has a dick brother (implied homophobia?)

As soon as the final bell rang, Patton shot out of his seat and raced out of the classroom. Apollo, despite being the school’s fastest Returner, was hard-pressed to catch up to him, Patton’s bag in hand.

He gushed out a thanks before he was off again. He dashed around the corner and almost collided with Roman, who was leaning against his locker, one foot up and both hands holding onto his phone.

“Woah, slow down there, Pat!” He chuckled. “I was just about to text you. Do you know where Emo Nightmare is? I, uh, realised I kind of… forgot to tell him where my classroom was.”

“Oh! I’ll text him,” he replied with no prompting whatsoever. He shrugged off Roman’s smirk at how he drafted several messages. Once he had Roman’s approval, he sent the text.

**patton**

_ Roman told me he forgot to tell you the room! It’s Mr Cozart’s. ^_^ _

After a few minutes, he got a reply.

**✨VIRGE!✨**

_ thx, i was about to ask. sry for being late, had to make sure my notes were neat for L _

**patton**

_ Oh, that reminds me! Here are our notes (Roman sent me what he did in Drama!!) _

_ {Image attached.} _

**✨VIRGE!✨**

_ thank you pat :] _

Goodness, Virgil was adorable.

“Should I leave you two alone?” Roman gestured to him and the phone he was grinning at.

Patton shushed him, just in time for Virgil to appear at the end of corridor, shoulders hunched. When he spotted them, he slipped his purple headphones off of one ear and gave a small wave.

Patton greeted him with far more energy. He could hear Remy calling him a “desperate hoe” and although he didn’t really know what that meant, he still proudly rejected the thought when Virgil let loose a smile.

Those were rare these days.

He knew this because his brothers used to hang out with Virgil almost exclusively, and it was such fun to watch him light up with laughter from across the cafeteria. The last few years, though, Virgil had gotten quieter, until Patton saw him break away from his brothers entirely.

It wasn’t like he was obsessively watching him. Patton got a glimpse every now and then, as you tend to do in a high school of under 1000 within a relatively small school (naturally, their oval was twice the size of the buildings floor space), but Virgil just seemed so  _ cool. _

Patton had admired his style for the longest time. And when he had dyed his hair last year -  _ woah.  _ Honestly, he had forgotten about that until recently. Virgil always hid it and Patton had never had the guts to talk to him though.

It seemed he still didn’t, because the walk to Roman’s flashy sports car was tense and silent.

“Shotgun!” Roman called, running to the passenger side and yanking the door open. Patton and Virgil followed at a subdued pace.

“I thought this was your car.”

“It is, but it’s always good to give dear Pat a chance to hone his driving skills. Lord knows he needs it.”

“Great. Cool. Just checking, are you licensed?”

“C’mon, I trust him. Isn’t that enough?” Roman scoffed. He didn’t wait for an answer and instead slipped in, slamming the door.

Patton gave Virgil a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry, he’s not mad. He’s simply impatient.” They both disregarded the cry of “Am not!” from inside the car. “And yeah, I have my P-plates and everything, mostly thanks to Roman letting me drive all the time.”

That seemed to satiate Virgil for now.

Patton ensured he drove extra carefully, despite Roman’s prodding at his granny-pace. Virgil was fidgeting enough as is; he didn’t want to cause the boy more stress.

_ It was weird to see essentially the exact same Starbucks but with a different surrounding, _ Patton thought as he got out of the car. The familiar green logo welcomed the trio into the coffeeshop. Virgil waved goodbye to him and Roman as he slunk behind the counter and towards the back, until he disappeared from sight.

In the meantime, Roman had claimed a seat in the corner. Patton hurried over, attempting to school his face into a neutral expression rather than one that he was sure screamed  _ why does Virgil have to WORK? _

“Stop looking like someone kicked your puppy and drink up some delicious coffee. Hey, that rhymed! Look out, Shakespeare, I’m coming for you! Anyway, seriously, it’s time you try the Unicorn Frappuccino.”

At least Roman was in a better mood. Patton shrugged.

“Sure, order whatever you think I’d like. I trust you more than I trust myself when it comes to coffee.” He pulled a face.

“Oh no, no, no, my friend! Your crush, your order. I’ll have the White Chocolate Frappuccino with one… no, two, salted caramel macarons. I’m feeling dangerous.” He winked for emphasis as he handed Patton one of his cards.

Patton laughed and got up.

“Ah hah! So you admit it’s a crush!” Roman exclaimed at his lack of comment.

“No, I just-” Patton cracked an embarrassed grin and hurried over to the line, Roman’s chortles following him.

It was either a blessing or a curse that Virgil had taken over serving. The apron was tied snugly around his waist, and the hat did little to hide the definitely purple bangs now that they weren’t hidden underneath his hoodie.

“Hey,” Virgil greeted when Patton got to the front.

“Hi!”

“...So, what can I get for you today?”

Patton shook himself out of his happy trance. “Sorry! Uh, Roman’ll have a White Chocolate Frappuccino and two salted caramel macarons, and I’ll have…” Okay, he could try the Unicorn thingie next time. “What do you recommend?”

“Oh, me? Well… I personally get Raspberry Blackcurrent juice, only ‘cause coffee winds me up. You probably want coffee though, right?”

“No! No, gimme the juice.” Both he and Virgil laughed until they were interrupted by an impatient cough from some middle-aged woman who probably was late to a PTA meeting. (There was either Remy or Toby, corrupting his thoughts with sarcasm again. He didn’t feel too bad though.) Despite his disappointment, Patton quickly finished up, paid and apologised to the lady.

“Maybe next time, use school for chatting to your friend.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Virgil shot him a sympathetic look, but Patton brushed it off with a smile. She did have a point - he was notoriously friendly and had a bad habit of striking up conversation at inappropriate times. It wasn’t too bad of a flaw though, because that was how he and Roman had become friends in that hospital waiting room all those years ago.

He zoned out until he saw Virgil approach the counter again, two drinks and a bag containing macarons in hand. “White Choc Frap, juice and two macarons for Romeo!” he called.

Patton sniggered to himself as he hung back, pretending not to see Roman’s frantic gestures for him to grab the items.

“Oh, Romeo, Romeo!” Virgil continued. Other patrons tuned into the ruckus now, searching the area for whoever lied about their name.

Patton had no part in this, so he was free to grin at Roman’s glare as he finally hoisted himself from their table and strutted up to the counter.

“You got me, Publius.” Patton barely caught Roman’s whisper, but there was no missing Virgil’s smirk.

“I’m holding two drinks. Don’t tempt me, Romano.”

Roman held up his hands in surrender and collected his items. As he passed Patton, he muttered “traitor” which only caused Patton to laugh harder.

“I was innocent!” he claimed as he sat down.

“Yeah, I know you wouldn’t do that. I don’t even care about that anymore because now I’m upset over something else!”

“Which is?”

“Virgil didn’t even write Romeo nor Roman on my cup! Look at this!” Roman shoved his cup into Patton’s face, revealing the words  _ basic theatre geek  _ in place of a name. “No, don’t you dare smile! No- ugh, fine. I have to ask, what’s with the juice?”

Patton stopped laughing as pink crawled its way up the back of his neck. “Virgil said that it’s what he gets so…”

“So… you’re trying to impress him?” Roman guessed.

Even though Patton vehemently denied it, Roman exacted his revenge by following that up with more questions designed to tease him. Goodness, Patton needed to learn how to not wear his heart on the sleeve.

Pity was taken eventually, and they moved onto other topics. Patton had to be mindful of not resorting to bringing up Virgil - not that he was on his mind or anything. He just happened to be involved in recent noteworthy events in Patton’s life. Such as the time Virgil lent him a pencil.

“‘Sup, Romeo and Pat.”

Patton swore Virgil appeared out of thin air.

“If he’s Romeo, then who’s Juliet?” he asked once his heart rate had settled.

Roman’s eyes twinkled. Patton would’ve groaned if he were the type. He opted to brace himself for the subtle teasing that was sure to come.

“Patton, of course! He’s pretty enough, don’t you think Virgil?”

_ Huh.  _ That wasn’t bad at all. Patton peered up at Virgil who stood by their table, hat-less and apron-less but still wearing the rest of the uniform. Virgil wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Uh… yes?”

Okay, there was that squeak-y, unsure voice again. Virgil was too adorable; he needed to stop before Patton spontaneously combusted.

“Thank you!” he near-yelled when Roman kicked his shin, gesturing for him to reply.

Virgil scratched the nape of his neck. “No probo, Bob...bo.” He cringed as soon as he said that.

Patton spared him with a small chuckle.

“Well, are you going to sit down?” Roman demanded. Patton noticed he had placed their belongings beside him, once again forcing Virgil next to Patton.

“Uh, yeah, sorry for being so awkward.”

“I don’t think you’re awkward.”

“Stop with the cute pouting, Patty. You’d find a way to make relaxed conversation with a literal wooden board.”

“I wasn’t pouting,” he protested. 

Virgil raised an eyebrow at him. “No offense, Patton, but everything Roman just said was true. And that’s coming from me, Roman’s number one anti-fan.”

Roman overlooked the insult. “So you  _ do  _ think he’s cute!”

Virgil floundered before nicking one of Roman’s macarons. The ensued argument was worth it, in Patton’s opinion, because Virgil never denied it.

Patton stopped in front of the address Virgil had given him.

“Is this it?” he asked, frowning up at the grey apartment block with tiny, dust-covered windows. 

In the dim light, he saw Virgil duck his head so his hair cast a shadow over his face, obscuring it. “Yeah.” He grabbed his bag and murmured a goodbye, then all but ran inside. He didn’t even turn to wave goodbye.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Who knows what Emo Nightmare’s thinking?” Roman shrugged. “C’mon, Patton. I can’t have you out past ten for the fifth time this month - I’m afraid your guardians will eat me alive.”

Patton sighed and reversed back onto the road.

Another 15 minutes, and he parked the car in front of the home. Both he and Roman got out for a final hug goodbye. He could see the swish of a curtain over Roman’s shoulder and he gulped. This was the first time he had been home since Friday, other than a quick stop Monday morning to grab his schoolbag. 

No matter how successful Remy’s cover up was, if Tyler saw him with  _ Roman,  _ arriving  _ late  _ on a  _ school night…  _

Patton pulled back from the hug and waved Roman off, then trudged inside.

The light flickered on.

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.”

If Patton was the type to swear, he’d let out a long-suffering expletive that would get him grounded for a month. Luckily, he kept his surprise to a small gasp and jump.

“Hey, Tyler,” he greeted with an overly-wide smile. 

“I see you spent the weekend with your…  _ boy _ toy..” Patton frowned. “I knew Remy was lying through his teeth when he said you were having a  _ study sleepover.  _ I don’t mean to offend,  _ brother,  _ but you aren’t exactly the type.” Tyler seemed to enjoy Patton’s squirming.

“I- I…”

Tyler scoffed. “Oh, save me from your blubbering. Let me list the facts: you snuck off in the middle of the night to hang with your boyfriend; you’re out past curfew and who knows what unholy things you did this weekend! It’s only right that our guardians are informed, don’t you think?”

Someone appeared at the top of the stairs. “Oh, great idea, Ty! While you’re at, you should come clean about your detentions and the fact that you’re facing suspension for, wait, remind me. Was it wagging, not handing in your assignments and smoking? Or are there more? It’s just so hard to keep track of them all!” Remy ticked each thing off on his hand.

Patton held a breath as Tyler glanced between them. He must’ve decided it wasn’t worth it, because a second later, he sneered at the both of them and then slunk off to their room. He rammed his shoulder into Remy’s, but his brother barely flinched.

“Don’t worry about Ty-bear, he’ll get over it faster than I move on from my exes.”

Patton grinned. It fell as soon as Remy turned his back to lead Patton back up the stairs.


	5. When I Fall to Rise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan has been acting weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: bullying; confrontation; minor blood mention; minor injuries/bruises; very lightly implied past abusive relationship
> 
> song: King of the Clouds by Panic! At The Disco

Even after their Starbucks adventure, their group was fragmented at best and awkward at worst. They all sat at the same lunch table now, but there was a clear distinction between the pairs. Logan and Virgil sat at one end and discussed their classes almost exclusively. When they were feeling particular friendly, it was an in-depth conversation on existential theories and why they personally believed a certain proposal was plausible or utter bullshit. 

When they weren’t conversing, Logan would immerse himself in a book to drown out Roman and Patton’s incessant chatter further up the table. They would talk animatedly about TV shows, Disney and whatever other random topic that stumbled into their brains. Honestly, the pair switched topic so often it was clear to Virgil that they had been friends for a long time.

Virgil was comfortable with how things were, even though sometimes he got the inexplicable urge to learn more about his table-mates. He never acted on it.

The four of them were from different worlds. He and Logan were grounded in reality while their acquaintances lived life soaring above the clouds. Watching them made Virgil feel like he was intruding on something personal, no matter how light-hearted the subject was.

They were two suns that revolved solely around each other and he was a passing comet. He had never known and will never know the ease between long-term friends. 

He thought that up until September first.

The start of September saw to Virgil’s headphones blaring his Halloween playlist whenever he got a spare moment and the black ensemble was spiced up with a purple purposely-tatted undershirt (try saying that ten times fast). Naturally, he never allowed it to see the light of day and kept it zipped away underneath his hoodie, but the thought was still there.

The day was pretty typical to begin with. Patton picked him in Roman’s car (he  _ still  _ didn’t have an explanation for that) and the three drove to school. They’d make polite conversation, but with Roman constantly riding shotgun Virgil often faded into the plush backseat. He didn’t mind too much. It beat walking to school in any case.

When they got there in one piece (he must admit, Patton was a model driver), they’d head off to the auditorium where Logan was already waiting, revising his notes or reading in the front row. Patton and Roman would take to the stage while Virgil joined Logan on the seats.

He had just finished  _ Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda  _ and he was itching to talk about it to someone, but he didn’t know if the others had read it and Logan looked busy. Instead, he kept quiet, drumming his fingers against his thigh and offering hesitant advice whenever one of the performing duo asked for it.

The bell rung and all four split up, only to meet once again in their first class. Here, Virgil dodged Mr Sanders questions about his progress on the poetry assignment and crossed his toes in the hopes that he wouldn’t turn the question onto Patton, who Virgil was pretty sure was incapable of lying. Roman and Logan passive-aggressively explained that they would’ve had gotten quite a lot done if only  _ somebody  _ had been willing to  _ compromise. _

They fought like an old married couple sometimes. He couldn’t be the only one that saw it. (Judging by Patton’s amused grin, he wasn’t.)

As their teacher moved on, Roman and Patton turned to each other and enthused about how  _ on this day 26 years ago, history was made. _

Okay, Virgil couldn’t help but listen in. What the hell were they talking about?

Logan, ever less anxious than Virgil, voiced his exact thoughts, only much more eloquently. Virgil had no idea how he was able to speak like  _ that  _ without stumbling over his words. It was unfair - Logan was smart, good looking (Virgil had  _ eyes,  _ he couldn’t  _ not  _ notice it) and sounded like the most intelligent man on earth.

“Harry Potter obviously, Nerd Brain.” Roman rolled his eyes for emphasis.

Virgil swore that if he was any more sassy, one day he’d roll them too far back and he’d go blind. Then again, that was kind of hypocritical of him, as his mother often told him the same thing. Whatever.

“What?” Virgil asked. Everyone looked at him in surprise.

“What do you mean,  _ what? _ ” Roman cried. “Surely you’ve heard of Harry Potter!”

“Yeah, of course. Contrary to your belief, Roman, I don’t live under a MCR-plastered rock.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

Virgil sent him a glare. “ _ All I’m saying is,  _ I don’t get what the big deal is. So what? It’s September first.”

“Have you not read the books?” Logan asked, the same time Patton asked “Haven’t you seen the movies?!”

Logan’s flash of annoyance didn’t go unnoticed.

“ _ No,”  _ Virgil drawled, but as soon as his mouth formed the N he knew it was a mistake. His three peers were looking at him as if he had confessed to murdering someone. “Well,  _ sorry  _ for not having the money to buy seven books and movies, everyone,” he muttered.

“Okay, first of all, there are eight movies -”

“- but most importantly,” Patton interjected, shushing Roman with a hard look, “it doesn’t matter that you haven’t seen it!”

“Though you have to admit, for such a significant cultural thing to go overlooked by someone like you, it’s quite odd. Out of all of us, you’re more… connected to online platforms. To not even find a questionable link to a free version of the books…”

“Okay, we get it, I’m uncultured,” Virgil huffed, blowing his newly dyed hair away from his forehead. His eyes bored holes into the off-white ceiling.

“He doesn’t mean that!”

“Well, I suppose if you want a shortened version of what I was trying to say, then that term isn’t incorrect.”

“Double negative,” Virgil murmured to himself. Logan seemed to catch that though, because he quickly corrected himself and thanked him.

Virgil had to take a second to figure out if Logan was being sarcastic or not before he remembered that the guy was very literal, so it was probably a genuine thanks. At the realisation, Virgil cracked a smile. For someone so ground, he was pretty odd at times.

“Stop talking about your nerd stuff and let’s get back to the real issue here. Virgil Harrow -”

“Maro.”

“- hasn’t watched nor read the greatest franchise in history!”

_ Oof. Roman definitely hadn’t seen the qualms fans have with J.K. Rowling’s claims then. Whatever; he’d let him have his moment. _

“Therefore, there is only one thing we can do, gentlemen! Movie night. My place. This weekend. Everyone cool with that?”

Virgil saw the way Patton hesitated, before saying, “Oh, but I’ve seen your house plenty of times. Let’s give the others a chance to host! What about Logan’s house?” No matter how casual Patton tried to come off, Virgil was too familiar with awkward laughs and shifting eyes to  _ not  _ catch onto the nervous behaviour.

_ Huh. Seemed like Roman wasn’t the only one who wants to snog Logan. _

The thought made Virgil bite his lip to contain his laughter, especially when Logan agreed and both Patton and Roman lit up like children on Christmas morning.

“I’ll lend you the first book when I come over this afternoon,” Logan told Virgil.

Roman held up a hand. “Hold up just one precious sec. So, this geek is allowed to enter your home but we’re not?”

“Yep,” Virgil answered immediately, popping the p.

Roman huffed and went into a sullen silence for all of five seconds, before he realised that Virgil had already gone back to doodling in his book.

At lunch, something was off. Virgil didn’t know  _ what  _ specifically, but he knew something wasn’t right. It wasn’t his anxiety talking - the picture of his meds in his phone dated today proved he had taken them.

Unless he had gone through the motions of taking the photo but forgot to take them before -

Nope. Now wasn’t the time for that particular spiral, especially when he knew who, at least, was off.

When Virgil arrived at their table, Roman and Patton were already there. Logan wasn’t. A deep crease formed between his brows as he scanned the cafeteria.

He almost did a double take when he saw him.

Logan wasn’t holding himself with the usual precision and upright posture Virgil was used to. No, he was hunched over, eyes focussed on the ground instead of his surroundings. If this were anyone else, Virgil would be muttering  _ hypocrite,  _ but…

When Logan finally sat down, he didn’t greet them. He barely touched his food. Most telling of all, he didn’t once pull out a book.

Even when Roman accidentally knocked over his juice, Logan hardly reacted aside from scooting the tiniest bit down the table. He didn’t mutter a comment about Roman’s foolishness (which, admittedly, grew rarer as the days passed, but for something like this Logan should’ve definitely uttered an insult).

Virgil wasn’t the only one who noticed. Roman kept looking over at him (though, that could be because he was infatuated with him) and Patton’s eyebrows were knitted together. 

No one had the courage to say anything though.

He had been more talkative the next day, but that was probably only because Roman kept throwing questions his way. The three of them were desperate now. 

“So, Lo, have to say, I’m curious about how you get here so fast every lunch.” Roman played with his plastic fork.

“I have an internship.”

“And?”

“I was allowed to have a spare third because of it.”

“Oh.”

Needless to say, that had failed miserably. Virgil had to give Roman props for trying though.

Logan joined Virgil in the backseat of Roman’s car that afternoon. He was still acting weird  _ and  _ he was late then too, despite being such a stickler for deadlines.

Ten minutes of the car ride was spent in silence that made Virgil’s skin crawl. Then, Logan, of all people, was the one to break it. Virgil kind of wished he hadn’t.

“Why is Patton driving?”

“Need to fulfill my hours,” came the automatic response from a distracted Patton.

“You don’t have P plates on the car.”

“Oh, yeah! I’m a fully-licensed driver as of a week ago!”

“Then why isn’t Roman driving his own car?”

Virgil wondered if there was a universal signal for  _ cut the questions.  _ As he attempted to figure it out, he watched Roman’s jaw set and Patton glanced uneasily at his friend.

“Oh, you know. Old habits die hard,” he said eventually. The ensuing laugh was definitely fake, but Virgil remained silent.

“Why have you driven his car so much that it’s a habit? Surely he drives when you’re not around?”

_ Ah-hah! _ Virgil drew his hand across his neck in a frantic gesture. Logan leaned forward onto the back of Roman’s seat to get closer to the conversation, so he missed the signal.

He also missed Roman’s shoulders tensing and Patton taking one hand off the wheel to put it over Roman’s. Virgil didn’t.

It was like he was seeing everything happen in slow motion - he knew what was going to happen a split second before it did. Logan opened his mouth again, and Roman drew in a deep breath before wrenching his hand out from underneath Patton’s. He twisted around as much as he could with the seatbelt straining against him at the sudden movement and Virgil had never seen a more thunderous face.

“Why do you have to be such a know-it-all?” he snapped. 

“Roman,” Patton begged, but it was no use.

“What? Can you not stand knowing everything about everyone at any given moment, huh? It’s no wonder why you spend so much time with your nose buried in a book and correcting everyone. Jeez, you’re just so fucking annoying!”

“Okay, shut up, Roman,” Virgil near-growled. That was too far. All of this was too far. “We get it, you’ve got issues that you don’t want to share. Cool. Great. But shut up. Don’t you  _ dare  _ take it out on Logan.”

Patton pulled over, and Virgil saw they were outside his apartment building. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it, Virge-”

_ “Virgil.”  _ He hated himself as he said it. Patton’s taken aback look only made him feel worse. It was time to do what he did best. “C’mon, L,” he murmured, pulling Logan out of the car behind him, their bags in his other hand.

They walked up the steps only to stop a few seconds later.

“Wait!” Patton called, racing to catch up. Logan’s face remained blank as he resumed, but Virgil lingered. “Wait, Virge-  _ il.  _ Virgil.”

He kept flicking his gaze up to Logan’s retreating form and shifted from foot to foot. “Virge is fine, Pat. I’m sorry, but I should probably-”

“Virgil. Stay for a moment.”

Great, Roman was here now too. At least he looked distraught. Virgil wish he could take comfort in that, but he only felt worse. “What is it?”

“Can you- can you get Logan down here?” Roman asked, hand on the back of his neck.

Virgil sighed. “Look, I would, but he’s pretty stubborn. Give him a chance to cool off.”

“Oh.” A beat passed. “Can you tell him I’m sorry, then? I know it sounds cheap when it isn’t face-to-face, but I just got… well, you saw. I didn’t mean to hurt him, especially after whatever happened today. I was being stupid and -”

“Dude. I get it. It’s fine. And I’ll tell him, but you better do the greatest apology the world has ever seen tomorrow.”

Roman let out a sigh of relief. “I will,” he promised. He hesitated, glancing past Virgil and through the glass doors of the block, but Virgil knew Logan would’ve headed straight up. A moment later, Roman and Patton left.

If Virgil had had the guts, he would’ve invited them up. Then Logan maybe wouldn’t’ve spent the afternoon as mute as a monk.

The week continued with a new awkwardness about it. Roman had publicly apologised ( _ “More like publicly humiliated himself,”  _ Logan had remarked more than once), and he was quickly forgiven. That didn’t mean Logan had forgotten about the incident - neither did Virgil, for that matter.

They just chose to do what they did best. Ignore it. Even if Roman’s sad expression made Virgil want to lock the two into a room until they sorted out their problems.

He actually considered it, but lunchtime that day revealed he needn’t intervene. 

Logan wasn’t there. That was the first thing Virgil noticed as he entered the cafeteria. He had been late the past four lunches though, so Virgil brushed it off and sat down. He kept checking the time on his phone, but only because five minutes had passed and there was still no sign of Logan.

Halfway through their break, Virgil opened his mouth to say something. Roman beat him to it.

“Has anyone seen Logan?”

“Wow, you must be worried if you actually used his name.” Virgil winced. “Sorry, the sarcasm comes out when I’m anx- stressed.”

Roman waved him off. “Seriously, should we look for him?” He turned to Patton, who nodded and finished up. The others followed suit, then left the cafeteria. “Okay, where to?”

“The library?” Virgil suggested.

“No, it’s closed on Fridays.” Patton and Virgil stared at him. “What? Logan’s constantly complaining about it in Drama! ...Alright, so maybe he mentioned it once. I’m a good listener!”

“Whatever. Maybe he’s in the carpark? He said he has a spare third so…”

Roman groaned. “This is going to take forever. Why don’t we split up? I’ll head to the parking lot, Patton, go scope out the auditorium and Virgil, go check out those little niches of yours.”

Virgil’s search returned nothing, so he started heading towards his Physics classroom. He and Logan had that class next, and the bell was set to ring soon so maybe Logan had decided to go there early. (He knew that he was grasping at straws and it showed - his palms had little crescents dented into them and his chest had that light, fluttery feeling whenever his anxiety acted out.)

A bang caused him to abandon that thought. He raced into the next hallway, then slowed as he peeked around the corner. He almost gasped at the sight before him, but clamped a hand tight over his mouth.

Roman had someone pressed against the lockers; their shirt bunched up in his white-knuckled fist. Logan was off to the side, watching the scene. Virgil’s eyes widened when he saw the red mark around his eye that would no doubt develop into a bruise and a small cut on his cheek. The blood was kept at bay by Roman’s brown jacket that Logan kept pressed to it.

_ “You stay away from him,”  _ Roman warned, voice low.

If he was in the other person’s shoes, he’d be quivering, but the stranger didn’t seem bothered at all. If anything, Virgil was pretty sure he was  _ smiling. _

“Why do you even hang out with such a loser,  _ Roro?”  _ The nickname made Roman falter noticeably. “Remember all the  _ fun  _ times we had? Were you so heartbroken that you turned to the nearest geek that would accept you?”

Roman lifted him up so his feet dangled above the ground. Still, the stranger smiled viciously.

“You’re lucky you’re Patton’s brother, or I swear to  _ god-” _

“You’ll… what? Go crying to your mummy?”

Roman’s grip tightened and he slammed the guy against the lockers. Logan seemed to unfreeze. He stepped forward and put a gentle hand on Roman’s shaking arm. 

Virgil couldn’t hear what Logan whispered, but it was enough to make Roman drop the guy onto the ground.

“Why are you doing this, Tyler? How do you even  _ know  _ Logan?” Roman questioned as Tyler,  _ Patton’s brother,  _ stood up.

“The know-it-all’s stupid fucking dad got me suspended today, so I figured why not go the extra mile and get expelled for beating up…  _ private property.”  _ Tyler leered. 

Virgil watched Roman’s fists clench. He was about to step in (he didn’t want his frien-  _ Roman  _ to get expelled too) when someone pulled him back. It was Patton.

“Let him deal with this,” Patton whispered. Virgil didn’t understand, but he trusted Patton, and yeah, when it came down to it, he trusted Roman too. Plus, Roman was still seething and Virgil didn’t want to get accidentally knocked out for sneaking up on him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Logan asked, glaring at Tyler. Roman shook silently.

He barked out a laugh. “If you want to act clueless, then fine. When you get sick of Roman clinging to you like a toddler, just tell him straight out. It won’t get through his thick skull otherwise-”

“When you tire of being a  _ dick,  _ then maybe I’ll pretend to listen to a halfwit like you.”

Surprising everyone, it was Logan, not Roman, Virgil nor Patton who managed to wipe the grin off of Tyler’s face. Logan’s hand found Roman’s and tugged him away. “C’mon, your Culinary class is on the other side of school. You don’t want to be late.”

There was the Logan they knew.

Virgil smiled, and when the two rounded the corner he and Patton had been hidden behind, he didn’t grumble when Patton pulled them into a hug. He might have even held on tighter when he felt Roman shaking, but they were such a mess that no one was able to figure out it was his fault that the hug going on for longer than first intended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Still on track for the next 5 chapters (thankfully) so look forward to them. Hope you enjoyed that little taste of logince this chapter, and yes, you'll be seeing much more of Logan from now on.


	6. Don't Trust Anything Below the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have their Harry Potter marathon and things about Logan are revealed.

That evening, Patton added them all into a group chat.

**_SLAM_ **

**Logan S.** **  
** What relevance does that name have to us?

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** I couldn’t make anything out of LVRP :( so I decided to use last names instead!

**virge** **  
** ah yes, i love being a part of *slam*

**Roman~** **  
** Oh, that reminds me. Who’s your dad, Lo? And why haven’t you told us you have a parent who works at the school?

**Logan S.** **  
** Do none of you know my last name?

It’s been five minutes so I’m going to assume that’s a no.

It’s Sanders.

**virge** **  
** WAIT HOLD UP

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** ASDFGHJKL YOUR DAD IS MR SANDERS?

**Roman~** **  
** Jfc I can never show my face in his classroom ever again. HOW ARE YOU RELATED TO HIM?

**Logan S.** **  
** Roman, surely you’ve taken biology at some point.

**virge** **  
** not what he meant L

**Logan S.** **  
** Oh. I assume it’s because he and I can have an infinitesimal difference in personality?

**Roman~** **  
** Dunno what that word means but I’m just gonna say yeah?

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** I think you meant massive >.<

**Logan S.** **  
** Yes. That’s what I typed.

**virge** **  
** actually... patton’s right

{image attached}

**Roman~** **  
** Logan? Using a word wrong? Wow, today must have really shaken you!

**Logan S.** **  
** Roman’s right. The only reason I got it wrong is because I’m still recovering from the shock of today.

**Roman~** **  
** Not exactly what I said, but sure.

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** Oh oh oh!! Are we still on for tomorrow?

**Logan S.** **  
** Dad has agreed to it. If you come over at 3 p.m. tomorrow, then we can get through the first three movies by around 10:30 p.m.

**Roman~** **  
** You calling Mr Sanders “dad” makes me feel Uncomfortable™

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** Aww :( that’s so little! Can’t we go earlier?

**Logan S.** **  
** Unfortunately, I have Academic Decathlon practice.

**virge** **  
** i forgot u did that nerd shit

**Logan S.** **  
** You’re on the team too.

**virge** **  
** *mj voice* am i?

**Roman~** **  
** Both of you are such geeks

**virge** **  
** hey only im allowed to insult him. stay in ur lane roomba

**Roman~** **  
** Mmkay Vore-gills.

**Logan S.** **  
** The day the two of you call each other by your actual names is the day world peace is achieved.

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** Back to the plan! Miss Clark says I can go ^_^

**Roman~** **  
** I thought your headmistress or whatever was that old hag Ms Abel?

**Logan S.** **  
** Miss Clark?

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** Oh, you don’t know!! My parents died a few years back and the one thing they made clear was that they didn’t want me in foster care. Luckily there was still a home running here!

And Ms Abel’s gone on extended leave!

**Roman~** **  
** I bet she’s on the run because the cops found her dead husband’s body. She’s probably a serial killer!

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** Roman!

**Roman~** **  
** Don’t pretend we haven’t talked about this before ;)

**virge** **  
** ...so 3pm-10:30? uhh ro&pat can u pick me up? my mum should be fine with taking me home if her shifts over by then

**Logan S.** **  
** That’s an unusual shift.

**virge** **  
** i guess.

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** ANYWAY g’night guys!

**Roman~** **  
** Are we still up for Skype? 

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** Yeah, I’ll call you now.

**virge** **  
** have a good sleep pat

**Roman~** **  
** Do I not get a well-wishing?

**virge** **  
** pls dont struggle too much when i sneak in and suffocate you with ur pillow tonight :)

**Roman~** **  
** ...Got it. Night!

An alarm blared, disturbing the peace of the still room. Its loud, piercing blasts roused Virgil from his slumber and he groaned as he shoved his pillow over his ears. The alarm persisted.

He chucked the pillow in the general direction of the horrific noise, but that only resulted in Virgil not having anything to block out the sound. Sighing, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, blinking away the black spots that crowded his vision.

His head pounded in unison with the alarm. He stumbled his way across the room, blankets hooked around his ankles and dragging everything on his bed in a messy trail on the floor. That was for another time though, because when he read what he had tiredly titled the alarm at five in the morning (yeah, so he didn’t fall asleep until six like the fucking vampire he was,  _ sue him _ ), he let out a loud curse. At least his mum wasn’t home.

_ One hour to get ready for Logan’s. _

Brilliant. Excellent.  _ Fan-freaking-tastic. _

Virgil shut it off and yanked open his drawers, wondering why he didn’t give himself another hour.  _ Oh right. Because he would’ve turned into ash if he woke up too early. _

Whatever. It was four minutes into two o’clock, meaning he had already wasted four precious minutes. He needed to find something presentable  _ pronto,  _ so he could take a shower, scoff down breakfast (more like an afternoon snack) and think through every possible worst case scenario of the day-  _ fuck. His meds. _

He was a little late but what fucking ever.

The shower caused his shoulders to drop and a sigh to escape. Steam rose, warming the cold apartment and the fog covered the mirror, allowing Virgil to step out, dry off and get changed without spending a millennia picking at his appearance. Then, he poured himself some Frosty Flakes and popped a pill into his mouth.

He’d have to bring them to Logan’s. Consistency was key, or whatever it was that his old therapist had said. Speaking of… The piece of paper announcing his bill was still stuck to the fridge.

He sighed, checked his balance on his phone and did the math in his head.  _ Should be enough. Finally. _

Another surprising benefit to having Patton and Roman in his life now - he no longer had to pay for his transport from school to work. That meant he had extra money; money that was about to be blown on covering the months-overdue bill from his stupid therapist who had charged him when he forgot to tell her he couldn’t make it ‘cause of his dad pulling out of Child Support. Something about him being 18, even if at the time, that was  _ eight months away. _

Trust dear old dad to forget his birthday. He hadn’t had a phonecall or even a text since. Whatever. He didn’t care. (His thumb hovered over his contact name sometimes, late at night when Virgil’s impulse control was lowest. He never called though. If someone didn’t want him in their life, he was fine with it.)

_ Beep! _

That was undoubtedly his ride. Sure enough, when he peered outside the grimy window, he could just spot Patton trying to shove Roman back onto the passenger side so he’d stop pressing the horn.

He smiled and dumped his cereal in the sink, grabbing his phone, bag and meds before hurrying out.

He was so focussed on not dropping anything that he forgot to put his anxiety pills out of sight as he came down the stairs. He greeted Roman and Patton, then got in the car, flashing the orange bottle until he caught Patton’s stare.

The bottle was quickly shoved into his bag. He was glad it was Patton who saw, not Roman, because he knew when to drop a subject. Right now, for example, he just asked for him for the address and set off.

The car rides were easier now. Virgil no longer felt like the backseat reject. Instead, he sat in the middle and leant forward as much as his seatbelt would allow, resting either arm on the seats in front of him. The conversation flowed between the three of the as a river would on a calm day.

The backseat didn’t feel stuffy anymore. He could breathe. (That might be the medication though.)

Logan’s house was a lot more… homely than anyone expected. It was a nice two-storey house with a lovely garden out the front, and the fence was the kind of white-picket fence that Virgil passed on his trek to school and thought about what happy family lived there. Virgil’s hand lingered on the gate, but naturally, Roman was impatient. So impatient, in fact, that he brushed past him to open it and walk in.

Patton held it open for Virgil. When the heavy wooden gate slammed shut, Virgil saw Logan stand up from the couch. The Sanders’ arched windows were massive. He could see the living room and the dining area in their entirety. If it were he and his mum, they’d have curtains drawn at all hours of the day.

He got his paranoia from somewhere, after all. (He supposed it didn’t mean it was genetic - could be because there were roughly ten break-ins in his apartment block this year alone. Oh, if only he lived near the school.)

Speaking of the school, on their first day Mr Sanders told them that it belonged to his dad - Logan’s grandfather, and it  _ was  _ named after him. No wonder they could afford such a luxurious place. Virgil was willing to be they had a pool out back.

Roman raised his fist to knock, but he needn’t have because the door swung open a moment later, revealing Logan in what Virgil assumed was his casual wear. He swapped out his typical button-ups for a polo shirt with a brain logo over his heart. It was their AcaDec shirt and whoops, Virge had forgotten to go again.

Whatever. He felt like he was going to get kicked from the team pretty soon - he didn’t know why he was even on there in the first place. Brian had asked him, but his grades weren’t spectacular. Compared to Logan, he was practically failing.

“Come in,” Logan greeted, then led them in a single-file line into the living room. There was already a bowl of popcorn on the glass coffee table (now that was an accident waiting to happen) and what Virgil presumed to be the first Harry Potter movie was already loaded on the screen.

“Sweet,” Roman said, then claimed the left half of the couch, legs sprawled out over two of three cushions.

Patton didn’t sit next to him like Virgil expected. Instead, he chose the loveseat, so Logan sat next to Roman. Virgil wondered if Patton did so deliberately. He’d have to commend him on his brilliant plan, he thought as he sat beside him.

“Ready?” Logan asked. Everyone nodded. “So, Virgil, this is Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.”

“Sorcerer's.”

“Sure, if you’re uneducated.”

“Just start the movie, Specs!” Roman huffed, plonking his feet in Logan’s lap. Virgil supposed that was payback for the insult.

Halfway through the movie, Roman’s legs were still there. Virgil didn’t know why Logan didn’t just push them off, especially when he grumbled every time he leant over to grab popcorn, careful not to disturb Roman’s limbs.

Virgil smiled into his drink, then caught Patton’s eye. A moment passed before they both burst out laughing. Logan and Roman startled apart, but they quickly re-entangled which only made them laugh harder. The confused pair shrugged at them and turned their attention back to the movie.

Before starting the third movie, Virgil was all too-aware of the time. He’d have to take his meds soon, and he’d have to take them with food so there was no way he could sneak off and steal some food because his need for politeness overtook his need to keep anything about his…  _ condition _ , a secret.

So when Mr Sanders popped his head in and asked if anyone needed anything before they started, Virgil seized the day. Well, in his own way.

“Uh, Mr Sanders, sorry, I don’t want to bother you but I, uh, it’s not that you haven’t provided enough food but, basically…”

“Virgil, come with me to the kitchen,” Mr Sanders told him, seeming unaffected by his long ramble.

He nodded and got up from the couch, following his teacher. He swore to MCR up in heaven that he’d never become used to seeing nor thinking about Mr Sanders outside of school. God, now he was imagining if Logan and Roman  _ got together.  _ Would Roman call him dad? Okay, nope, no, nuh-uh, he was stopping that train of thought right this instance.

“Alright,” he said, leaning against the counter, “I take it you want food?”

Virgil hesitated. “Well, it’s more like I need it.” He took a deep breath. He hadn’t even told the others yet, but hey. If things went wrong, the night was almost over. He could make up an excuse to leave early and walk until his mum was able to pick him up.  _ If. _

He fished out the capped bottle he had stuffed in his pocket earlier in the night and rattled it. “I, uh, I’m supposed to always take it with food. It helps. With- with my anxiety.”

_ Oof. There was the a-word. Out loud. Finally. _

Mr Sanders smiled. “Yeah, no problem. Any preference? There’s some leftover pizza. I was surprised at that - four teenage boys and  _ leftovers.  _ Who would’ve thought?” He laughed and opened the fridge, poking around.

“So you- you don’t mind?”

“Goodness, no. It’s nothing to be ashamed of - I’ve been on anxiety medication for about two years myself. And seriously, if you don’t want the pizza we’ve got some- hey, Logan.” Mr Sanders straightened up and took out the pizza box, then shut the fridge. He plonked the box on the counter and squinted at his son. “How long have you been standing there?”

“For a few seconds,” Logan replied. He caught Virgil’s gaze. “I won’t tell anyone. Roman wanted more popcorn despite hogging it all and I went to get more. I assume you want to tell us in your own time?”

Virgil blinked. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s- thank you.”

Logan nodded and entered, using the other corner of the kitchen to make some popcorn while Virgil chewed thoughtfully. He screwed the lid back on and slipped it into his pocket. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he opened up a bit. Plus, he was fairly sure they were friends now. 

That was a problem for another time. Right now, Roman was loudly complaining about how long  _ certain  _ people were taking, and how if they didn’t saw their butts down  _ right this instance  _ he’d start without them. Logan and Virgil hurried out, Mr Sanders telling them to make sure they don’t trip as they left.

“Thanks for picking me up,” Virgil mumbled five minutes into the otherwise silent car ride.

His mum reached over to ruffle his hair and he did his best not to shrug off her touch. “It’s no problem, honey. Sorry I’ve been a bit busy this week. I promise things’ll get better and I’ll be around more. It’s just work, you know?”

“I know, mum.” Virgil sighed. He knew. She had said the same thing once a month for two years. Virgil stopped believing her when he was late for school the 5th consecutive day in a row, so much so that his first period teacher in Sophomore year thought he was purposely skipping his class.

That was when Virgil started walking.

It wasn’t his mum’s fault - she had to work heaps to support them. Her bosses were always so shit though, calling her in early and keeping her late. She didn’t have time for him because she spent so much time ensuring he’d eat every day - and his meds only made the hours worse. He had come to terms with it a long time ago; it was an unspoken compromise they had made.

She wouldn’t push him to talk about his dad nor go see a therapist as long as he kept taking his meds and kept his grades up.

“So, who are your friends?”

“Mum.”

“What? Can’t I get involved in my son’s life?”

“... Roman Lucanus, Patton Adde and Logan Sanders.”

“The son of Mr Sanders? Oh, he’s such a nice man. I’m sure his son is too.”

“How do you know Mr Sanders?”

“When your father still paid child support, I made time to attend your parent-teacher interviews and your events. Oh, I remember you used to love Trivia Nights. You know, you and Logan were on the same team a few times. You worked so well together, we used to joke you’d end up married.”

“Mum!”

“Only joking, only joking.”

Virgil slumped back in his chair.  _ Only joking.  _ Shit. That was another thing he had to tell someone. Well, fuck. Following the theme of the week…

_ He’d tell her later. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late!


	7. Golden in the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton invites Virgil over to finish their poetry assignment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Tyler's in this one for a scene

“I’m home!” Patton called. He paused to put his shoes in the rack and when he turned back around, Toby had somehow made his way down the stairs to the wall he was leaning against without making a noise.

His brother’s hair was a dark plum and his outfit was very fall-inspired: dark leaves falling on a grey sweater, black ripped jeans and monochrome skeleton socks.

Without Ms Abel breathing down their necks, Toby was  _ thriving,  _ along with everyone else in the home _.  _ He had decked out his side of the room with enough cobwebs to make Patton avoid it like the plague, and Patton was pretty sure he had taken up pumpkin carving. (At least, he hoped so with all the knives and other sharp-utensils that were covered in orange strings.)

Speaking of Ms Abel, Toby and Remy kept coming up with ridiculous theories on why she disappeared with no warning one day.

“The cops dug up a body in the old forest,” Remy had whispered, cross-legged on his bed.

“The half-rotten corpse was identified only by a dirty ring, on the inside of which was inscribed  _ Abel,”  _ Toby added.

“Now there’s only one suspect.”

“Abel, of course, couldn’t stick around. So she packed her things in the middle of the night and fled.”

That was the one they told the most, but there were other conspiracies, such as her turning into a bat, a potion gone wrong, she scared herself to death when she looked in the mirror, etc.

Patton wondered if he should re-introduce Toby to Virgil. They  _ were  _ very similar. 

Anyway, the point was Miss Clark was  _ way  _ nicer than Ms Abel ever was. She didn’t make a judgemental comment on Toby and Remy’s makeup and went as far as to compliment them. She was mostly forgiving of the curfew, as long as any rule-breaking was few and far between (so Tyler still had to adhere to the 9 p.m. limit, not that he did.)

“Hey, Patton!” Dodie - as they had been told to call her multiple times - replied. She bustled around the kitchen, apron on and flour smeared across her cheek. Late night baking was also something that was new - or any kind of baking for that matter. 

Sure, Ms Abel  _ fed  _ them, but she never baked. Any treats had to be bought. Patton couldn’t remember the last time he had had a fresh pastry before Miss Clark, but in the last week he must’ve eaten at least three trays worth.

Seriously. She was that good.

“Thanks for letting me go out tonight.”

“Patton, it’s no problem! You haven’t got much of high school left and I want you to enjoy it.”

He beamed. “Still, thank you, Miss Clark.”

She sighed, putting her hands on her hips and shook her head at him. “Just Dodie’s fine.”

“Okay, Just Dodie!” Patton laughed as he raced up the stairs, avoiding the light swap of a tea towel.

Toby, Tyler and Remy were the only ones awake. Seth had fallen asleep at his desk again - probably studying too hard over the past few weeks. He had mentioned a Chemistry test and the subject wasn’t his strong suit. Still, he wished Sethy wouldn’t push himself so much.

Without Patton asking, Remy slipped off his bed and came over to help him lift their brother.

_ On three,  _ he mouthed.  _ One, two, three. _

Together, they heaved Seth out of the chair and propped him as gently as possible on his bed. Toby had taken off the duvet as they were doing that so he could just lay it back on him. Patton tucked him in and turned off the lamp.

The spacious room was lit by Toby and Remy’s phone screens, as well as by the soft glow from the streetlight outside the window. Tyler wasn’t back, so everyone was in their own peaceful states.

Patton decided that now seemed like a good place to end his day. He took a quick shower and got under his covers. As soon as his head hit his pillow, Patton was whisked into the deep recessions of his subconsciousness. Purple-patched hoodies and stormcloud headphones swirled in flashes of his dream.

When he woke up, he attempted to recall his dream but it trickled through his fingers like water. He felt happy, though.

A few weeks later, he and Virgil realised that they hadn’t started their poem yet, let alone be at the stage where they were ready to hand it in.

Roman and Virgil had switched places, so that Roman and Logan were at the front and Virgil and Patton were right behind them. Logan had said that it only made sense considering they needed to work on their poem and Roman had agreed.

It would be convincing enough, if Roman hadn’t already revelled in he and Logan’s final product. It was all well and good so Patton let the lie slide past him.

“Do you want to swing by mine to work on it?” Patton asked his partner in art. 

Virgil didn’t hesitate before replying, “Yeah, sure.”

He didn’t sound that excited about it, which made Patton deflate a little, but maybe that was Virgil’s general tone. He was pretty deadpan at times. Patton now understood why Logan had such trouble separating Virgil’s sarcasm from his sincerity.

“Cool, I’ll ask if you can come tomorrow.”

Virgil made a noise of agreement, invested in his paintbrush’s strokes on canvas. They were supposed to be painting the girl sat in the middle of the room, but when Patton snuck a peak he saw himself smiling back at him.

Oh.  _ Oh. _

He tip-toed past with fresh paint, hoping that Virgil didn’t see him. While he was gradually opening up, Patton didn’t think he’d appreciate him looking at this, no matter how talented Virgil was.

He didn’t know why he was so guarded - Virgil had the most wonderful personality and while Patton disapproved of his self-deprecating jokes, there was no denying that the boy was hilarious.  _ And  _ he was a genius!

Virgil would often whisper an answer to whatever question the teacher threw out to the class, and after countless wrong answers from their peers the teacher would give up and reveal the correct answer, which was  _ always  _ what Virgil had said.

Heck, Virgil was probably as smart as Logan! There was no wonder the two got along so well.

The bell rung, shocking Patton out of his thoughts. He looked back to his easel and realised he had completed hardly anything. (Toby later informed him that was because he had been staring at Virgil.  _ Whoops. _ )

“See you this afternoon!” Patton waved goodbye to Virgil as they split up to head to their last period of the day.

Virgil saluted with two fingers.

That simple action shouldn’t have filled Patton up with as much joy as it did.

“Virge! How was Psychology?” He greeted when Virgil finally got into earshot, Logan beside him.

“My Government class was great. Thanks for asking, life-long friend,” Roman prodded from where he was leaning against his car. 

Patton’s face was red because of the (weak, Autumn) sun, not because of Roman’s knowing smirk.

“Pretty sweet. Got to learn about that thing Logan’s always harping on about - cogs’n’distortions.”

“Cognitive distortions,” Logan corrected, getting into the backseat automatically. Roman followed suit, claiming his usual spot in the passenger seat.

Virgil and Patton lingered outside for a second. Virgil cleared his throat and dropped eye contact.

“I guess we should-”

“Yeah.”

_ Pause. _

_ BEEP! _

“Get in the car, lovebirds!” Roman hollered, leaning on the horn. Logan pulled him back and two descended into one of their signature not-really-argument arguments.

From the dirty looks the other students were sending the four of them, they were making too much noise. Well, now it was  _ definitely  _ time to go.

Virgil got in the car, immediately putting on his headphones and pulling his hood up.

Patton waited until the door shut before he walked around to the other side.

He had a whole route set up now - on his way to Virgil’s, he’d drop off Logan, then from Virgil’s house he’d drive he and Roman back to the home. From there, Roman took over the driving. Luckily, it was only two minutes from Roman’s house to his.

The door was unlocked. Remy must be home already-

“Hey, Patton!” Dodie greeted. She was seated on the counter, eating freshly baked  _ something.  _ When he got closer he could see (and smell) that they were brownies. “Go on, have some.”

Patton took one of the biggest, but because he was polite he didn’t take  _ the  _ biggest despite it being  _ right there.  _ “These are delicious,” he praised through a mouthful of  _ heaven. _

“Oh, stop it!”

“I’m serious! Also…” Patton trailed off. Dodie was way nicer than Ms Abel, but would she allow friends over? Oh well, he might as well ask. “Would I be able to have a friend over? For homework?”

Someone scoffed.

Patton whirled around to see Tyler in the doorway. “I didn’t know you demoted Roman to friend. And, homework, really?” He muttered as he trudged past.

Patton tried not to look bothered. Dodie hadn’t heard and he didn’t want to get Tyler in trouble, even if what he said equal parts infuriated him and saddened him.

“Of course! Is this Roman?”

Tyler sniggered as he stomped up the stairs.

“No - no, it’s, uh, Virgil.” Patton scratched the back of his neck. “We’ve got a poetry assignment.”

“That’s cool. You know, I used to sing songs,” Dodie mused.

“Why’d you stop?”

“Life gets in the way. I can still play and sing, I just don’t have the time.”

“Can you sing something now?”

“Maybe when the other boys get home.” Dodie turned back to her brownies. 

Patton took it that the conversation was still over, but he wasn’t all too keen to head up to the bedroom if only Tyler was there. Remy and Toby helped him brush off Tyler’s comments, but without them he just got super uncomfortable. He headed off to the living room and settled on the couch.

**pat** **  
** _ Hey! I just got the all-clear. We’re on for tomorrow :D _

**✨VIRGE!✨** **  
** _ gr8 m8 _

_ im sorry that was weird. i meant that that’s cool _

**pat** **  
** _ Haha, don’t worry ‘bout being weird! I still think you’re cool and mildly intimidating >.< _

**✨VIRGE!✨** **  
** _ there are so many things to unpack here _

_ first off, cool and intimidating? HOW. im like an angsty worm _

_ secondly those emoticons of urs are adorable _

Patton let out the quietest squeal he could manage. He called him adorable!

**pat** **  
** _ You’re an equally adorable angsty worm <3 _

Five minutes later, he got a response.

**✨VIRGE!✨** **  
** <3

They continued to text about details for a little while. It wasn’t long until the conversation quickly derailed and instead they were discussing (read: sending photos of) cats. Virgil had just sent a particularly squee-worthy cat video when Remy walked in.

“Your boyfriend?” he asked.

“Roman and I aren’t dating,” Patton informed, not looking up from his screen. He had become immune to Remy’s teasing about he and Roman’s close relationship over the years, so nothing he said anymore affected-

“Not who I was talking about.”

Patton’s phone fell onto his face. Remy’s rambunctious laughter followed him as he walked out of the room before Patton could gather his thoughts enough to protest.

His phone buzzed.

**✨VIRGE!✨** **  
** _ im glad ur at least a cat person. its 50/50 in our group :] _

**pat** **  
** _ WHAT? Logan’s a dog person? _

**✨VIRGE!✨** **  
** _ i was just as shocked as u are when i found out! turns out he’s just as biased as the rest of us. his opinion is wrong tho so it doesnt matter ;) _

**pat** **  
** =)

**✨VIRGE!✨** **  
** <(^^<)

**pat** **  
** XD

**✨VIRGE!✨** **  
** t(-.-t)

**pat** **  
** D:

**✨VIRGE!✨** **  
** _ this is the dumbest text exchange ive ever had with someone _

_ i love it _

Patton barely resisted the urge to reply with the same message but with “it” changed to something else. He sent another smiley instead.

“Don’t have too much fun!” Roman hollered as the two got out of his car. Patton rolled his eyes and went in for a hug. “Oh ho ho, Patton’s got an attitude! Virgil, what have you done to him?”

“Only introduce him to common sense and a better taste in friends,” Virgil snarked, hands shoved in his pocket but an easy smile on his face. The autumn scenery and the lighting was so soft on his face. Patton’s heart was melting like ice in a desert.

“I see how it is. Well, I’ll leave you two to your… homework.”

Why was everyone using that tone around him lately whenever Virgil was brought up? Granted, he was the reason 99% of the time that Virgil was even mentioned, but that didn’t mean anything. 

“Roman seems happier lately,” Virgil commented as they made their way inside. 

Patton glanced around and saw that Dodie wasn’t in the kitchen and none of his brothers were home yet.  _ Phew.  _ “Yeah, I’m glad.”

“Do you think he and Logan are finally together?”

“ _ Oh my goodness,  _ I thought I was the only one seeing how head-over-heels Roman is for Logan!”

“Are you kidding? Logan’s always trying to impress Roman. He’ll bring up some academic award he got just to hear Roman’s compliments. Don’t get me started on their  _ flirting.  _ It would make me sick if it were anyone else, but with them, it’s just mildly pathetic. They’re so bad at it!”

“When did you become the master of flirting?” Patton nudged him.

“I’m not saying I’m any better. I know I’m bad so I don’t attempt it.”

“What if someone flirted with you? How would you react?”

“Why would someone flirt with me?” Virgil scoffed as they entered Patton’s bedroom.

_ Dang.  _ Patton forgot to clean up. His cardigans were messily shoved into his set of drawers, almost everyone  _ but  _ Remy’s bedsheets were half-strewn onto the floor (he wasn’t sure if Remy used his bed  _ ever _ ), Seth’s textbooks were still taking up the one desk in the room and crumbs surrounded the desk where Toby had swept the remains of Seth’s snacks onto the floor instead of dealing with it.

There was a small square of clear carpet between Patton’s and Remy’s beds, so Patton took them there, apologising as they stepped over all the discarded items. They really needed to clean up if Virgil was going to be over more.

“Dude, it’s fine. My room’s way worse and didn’t you say you had seven brothers? This is super neat.”

“Well, the two oldest have moved out, so it’s not  _ that  _ impressive.”

“Oi. Only I can brush off compliments.”

“I wish you wouldn’t,” Patton said, focussed on pulling out the materials he needed.  _ Notebook. Pencils. Rubber. Pens.  _ “I think you’re amazing. I always wanted to talk to you, you know? You were always making my brothers laugh and they talked about you all the time. You were pretty much my idol!”

“Shit taste in idols.”

Patton frowned. “It’s true!”

Virgil’s jaw tightened. He wouldn’t meet Patton’s eyes. It felt pointless to argue, so he sighed and moved on.

“Anyway! Let’s get to writing this poem!”

“First things first, we need a theme.” Virgil drew a circle in the middle of Patton’s page and labelled it  _ POEM  _ in all caps.

His handwriting was surprisingly loopy and neat.

“Suggestions?” He looked up at Patton.

“Uh… freedom?” Virgil scrunched up his nose but wrote it down anyway in a separate bubble and started to scribble down ideas. Patton thought harder. “Loss?” Virgil quickly added it. “Nostalgia?” He watched as his friend made several little adjoining bubbles onto that theme. He still didn’t seem  _ that  _ excited about it…

“What about… What about love?”

Virgil’s pen stopped moving and he looked up at Patton. Patton held his gaze. After a few seconds’ silence, Virgil resumed sketching out another bubble. He wrote  _ LOVE  _ slower than the rest and his pen lingered on the last line of the e. “It’s a bit cliche.”

“That’s because when done well, it’s a lot more emotional than most other things.”

“We don’t have any knowledge nor experience to draw on though. We’re too young to know what love is.”

Patton swallowed. “Are you sure? Why do you have to be a certain age to love someone?”

“I just think that people our age mistake crushes for love because they haven’t felt any different yet.” Virgil shrugged.

“So you don’t love anyone?”

“No.”

“Do you  _ like  _ someone?”

“What are you, twelve?” Virgil scoffed. Patton shrugged and motioned for him to answer. “...Maybe.”

Patton clapped his hands together. In his head ran a chorus of  _ who who who  _ but he didn’t want to scare Virgil off so he kept it to a simple, “Who?”  _ Oops. _

Virgil’s eyes closed for a moment. Patton kept staring at him. He was vaguely aware of his heart pounding in his chest and he had to fight the urge to shift closer. When Virgil finally opened them again, he was looking straight at him.

The eye contact froze the both of them. Neither of them breathed as the orange fall sun filtered in through the spacious window that faced the auburn forest outside. Patton felt as if he was floating above it - he could basically see the minimal space between Virgil’s violet-hued hair and Patton’s light brown one, both colours exaggerated by the sunlight. His heart was caught in his throat, tangled up in his vocal cords. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, speak. Not now. Virgil was the one to shift infinitesimally closer and Patton tilted his head forward, eyes fluttering shut.


	8. The Moon Found the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has dinner with Patton’s brothers… and Tyler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: implied/referenced homophobia and something else that is lowkey a SPOILER so like skip the next word: implied/referenced transphobia

“Pat, you will not believe the day I just had!”

The bedroom door banged open and Remy strode through, Starbucks in hand and dark sunglasses that hid his eyes but not the way his eyebrows jumped high on his forehead as he watched the two jump apart.

Patton breathed for the first time in a minute and attempted to get his heart rate back to normal.

Remy must really love Patton, because he didn’t begin the usual teasing and instead continued on with his story. Virgil straightened up and scooted back so he was resting against Patton’s bed. He smiled at Patton though, so even if they didn’t get the chance to kiss just then, maybe later-

“Then Linda, bless her,  _ vomits  _ on me as if I’m a basic bitch!”

Yep. The moment was well and truly over.

Patton tried not to let the ire show on his face and settled against Remy’s legs. His brother sat on the edge of his bed for the next half hour, retelling the whole Drama class mayhap. When he finally left, Virgil burst out laughing.

Patton looked at him quizzically.

“Sorry - I’m - just - picturing - Roman!” Virgil got out through his gasps. 

Patton’s eyebrows still remained knitted.

“Didn’t you hear? Linda used his prince outfit sash to wipe her mouth! Only to throw up  _ on the entire thing!  _ I’m surprised Roman wasn’t whining about it on the way home. And Logan! Why didn’t Logan tell me, he usually loves this sort of thing!”

Virgil kept laughing and Patton joined in. His brilliant smile was too infectious. When Virgil laughed  _ truly,  _ he threw his whole body into it. He threw his head back and his shoulders shook with mirth, and he’d clutch his heaving stomach.

Goodness, it was like he was  _ trying  _ to make Patton’s crush worse. Not that he minded.

The happy, floating feeling filled him up. He never had to fake a smile around Virgil. In fact, ever since he had entered his life, he rarely had to fake a smile period. There was always a lovely memory to think about whenever he felt down - this afternoon was sure to be added to the list. Don’t get him wrong, Roman was his best friend, but Patton knew him too well to  _ not  _ make himself upset whenever he thought about fun times he and Roman had spent together.

A majority of them were due to Roman acting out after a fight with his father, and those that weren’t still made Patton feel guilty. He still hadn’t told him that-

“Hey.” Virgil nudged Patton’s leg with his foot. “What are you thinking about?”

He hummed. “Nothing I haven’t thought about before.” As vague as that answer was, at least he was telling the truth. Patton really,  _ really  _ didn’t want to lie to Virgil.

“...If you say so.” Virgil paused and Patton could  _ feel  _ him trying to figure him out. “Well, we should probably get back on track. So, love?”

“Yes, dear?” Patton grinned as Virgil turned pink.

“Not- not what I meant! I meant to say it like  _ so, our theme is love, yeah?  _ Not the-  _ not that way- stop laughing!”  _ Virgil spluttered. He grabbed a pen off the floor and hunched over Patton’s workbook and started scrawling ideas, steadfastly ignoring him.

When Patton calmed down, he wiped the tears that had gathered at the corner of his eyes from laughing so hard. “Judging by the notes you’ve written, you’ve come around to the theme I suggested.”

“Well, I suppose it wasn’t  _ terrible.  _ We still have to work if we want a good grade though, and it’s due tomorrow so we haven’t got much time.”

Patton nodded and got to work, grabbing a blue pen. He noticed with a fond smile that Virgil’s notes were all written in purple ink. They bounced ideas off each other for a while, and Patton even got out their battered laptop and began to draft up a poem, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Come in!” Patton called. When he saw it was Toby, he tilted his head.

“Remy told me to do that if I was coming up here. Something about you having a boy over.” He raked his eyes over the notebooks open on the floor. “I’m glad you’re actually studying. You’re a good kid, Virge, but…”

Patton’s eyes widened as he realised what Toby was implying. “Shush!” he shrieked, and threw a pillow at his brother who sidestepped it easily. “What do you want?”

“Miss Clark says you need to help set up. She also said that your friend can stay if he wants. Nice to see you again, Virgil.”

Virgil nodded. Patton sighed as the door shut and he flopped onto his bed.

“I’m sorry about my brothers. They’re a bit much sometimes.”

“I think they’re wonderful.”

Patton sat back up at the comment. “You do?”

“Well, I don’t really have siblings but yours are all so great. I wish I had brothers.”

He didn’t tell Virgil that not all of them were great. That was mean, and it wasn’t like Tyler was awful… “Are you staying?”

“...Can I? Or is this the sort of thing you’re supposed to say no to out of politeness?”

“We’d love to have you over!” Patton stood up, grabbed Virgil’s hand after a split-second hesitation and then dragged him downstairs. He released it as soon as he got to the kitchen, but his right hand felt warm as he collected cutlery, plates and set the table. He wondered if Virgil’s fingertips were tingling like his were.

Speaking of Virgil… Patton looked around the dining room. Seth and Toby were already seated next to each other, versing each other in some mobile game, but he couldn’t see his friend. He travelled into the living room which revealed a lounging Remy and De and nothing else.

“Where’s Virgil?” he asked.

“On mars,” De immediately replied, annoyance creeping over the thirteen-year-old’s face. Patton didn’t get offended - he remembered when he went through the sarcastic phase, as mild and short-lived as that was.

He took the hint and quickly stepped aside so he could continue watching TV. Remy, at least, was slightly more helpful.

“Toby said Dodie recruited him for cooking.”

Remy was the only one who called her that, despite her continued insistence. Well, he was the only one apart from Tyler, but Patton secretly thought it was more out of disrespect than anything else.

He returned to the kitchen and saw that Virgil was indeed cooking.

He was wearing one of Dodie’s aprons - it was a Halloween-themed one, with pumpkins grinning menacingly against black fabric. He had just pulled out roast pork from the oven and went on to season it with some green things that Patton definitely knew the names of and salt. He shifted over to the waiting vegetables and chopped them up with the speed and skill of a masterchef. He plonked them in a bowl and added more of the green thingie, then poured some oil on and added salt and garlic. Patton’s mouth watered. 

“You should be in culinary with me!”

Virgil whirled around and placed a hand to his chest. “Jesus, Pat. You’re gonna give me a heart attack.”

“Sorry! It’s just, this looks delicious. I didn’t know you could cook!”

“I mean, it’s not that much… It’s just a few things I picked up, you know? It’s not like my mum ever had the time to cook, and even if she did she was usually too tired to, so I had to get used to- sorry, I’m probably boring you.” 

“Not at all,” Patton reassured, but Virgil didn’t continue. That was alright - Patton knew enough about absent parents with Roman and his combined experience that he didn’t push. “Anything you need help with?”

“I think he’s got it covered - I’ve just let him have at it!” Dodie laughed. She was seated on the counter in the corner that somehow, Patton had missed entirely. “My specialty is baking, but I can’t cook for the life of me. You boys are finally going to have a meal you’ll like tonight!”

“See? Even Miss Clark thinks you’re talented!”

“Dodie, Patton.”

“Sorry!”

Tyler was present at dinner for once. He took the end of the table. De, Seth and Toby took one of the long sides and Virgil, Patton and Remy took the other, with Dodie at the end closest to De and Virgil. It didn’t slip any of the brothers’ notice that Remy and Toby had chosen their seats carefully, separating Seth and De (the youngests) and Virgil (the guest) from Tyler. 

This was the usual behaviour though, and Virgil didn’t look like he knew there was something going on, so the brothers carried out their usual business.

“Oh. My. Me.” Remy moaned around a forkful of roast pork. “This is what heaven tastes like.”

Even Tyler looked pleasantly surprised.

“C’mon, guys, my cooking isn’t that bad!” Dodie joked.

“Patton, seriously,” Toby began, “marry him then force him to make us dinner all the time.”

“That’s a great idea!” Remy added.

“No! No it’s  _ not _ ,” Patton protested, but once they were on a roll they were impossible to stop. “Sorry,” Patton whispered to Virgil as the pair continued on their antics. Virgil seemed fine though - his shoulders weren’t tensing up and he had an easy grin on his face. Phew.

“Didn’t you guys already hear? Patton’s married to Roman. What style was his dress again, Patton?” Tyler grinned. To most other people, it seemed like an alright thing to say, if a bit traditional.

However, each brother didn’t miss the venom behind it and froze accordingly.

Tyler opened his mouth again, ready to continue now that he had everyone’s attention.

Remy slammed his fork down on the table. “Just because you and Roman have a history doesn’t give you the right to be such an  _ ass,”  _ he growled. Patton wasn’t the only one surprised by the serious tone. Poor Dodie looked too shocked to intervene.

“What? So making jokes about how they’re practically married are off the table now? Isn’t that a bit hypocritical? Anyways, Patton, was it his mum or dad that walked him down the aisle-”

“ _ Shut your mouth, Ty, _ ” Toby warned. Though neither he nor Remy had ever really approved of Roman, Patton was glad to see them defending him. He wished he could do the same, but facing Tyler…

“I’m just asking my brother questions about his…  _ friends.  _ But fine. I’ll drop the subject of Ro- _ man _ if it’s getting you so hot and bothered.” Tyler’s gaze fell on Virgil who was watching with a confused frown. 

Patton felt his blood run cold.

“Maro, right?”

Virgil nodded in a jerky manner.

“So, tell me, when are you going to ditch Patton, here?” Tyler jerked his thumb at him. “Given your dad’s track record, I’m guessing you’re going to get married and ditch when your first born starts to have its own personality. Though I suppose you’d have to get Ro if you want a child-”

Patton banged his hands on the table and shot out of his seat. The chair clattered to the ground. “Tyler  _ fucking  _ Abigor, shut the  _ hell  _ up _. _ ”

The table fell silent.

Patton had never felt so  _ angry  _ in his life.  _ How dare he?  _ Sure, Tyler had made a few comments here and there, but to go this far?  _ In front of everyone? _

His hands were balled into tight fists by his side, the rage coursing through him. His skin felt hot and he was sure he was shaking - oh, was he crying? He should’ve expected that. Whenever he felt a surge of emotions like that, he’d always end up in tears. He hated that - he was never taken seriously.

Tyler still looked stunned, so Patton took the opportunity to flee as what he had said settled in.

That was  _ awful  _ of him. Dodie was still relatively new, and she just had to witness such an ugly side of him and  _ why couldn’t he calm down? _

His body shook with big, heaving sobs which made no sense, because he wasn’t  _ sad,  _ he was  _ angry,  _ but he couldn’t control his tears no matter how hard he scrubbed the water away. It was just so  _ infuriating- _

“Patton?” Virgil called. Patton could hear him making his way upstairs.

He rubbed his eyes harder, but that didn’t slow down the free-flowing tears at all. The hot feeling still hadn’t left. Instead, it had curdled into a solid rock in his stomach. With no proper release for his frustrations, it made it worse. Patton wanted so badly to grab a pillow and shriek into it, but Virgil had pushed open the door.

He sat down beside Patton. They didn’t speak for a moment.

“Remy and Toby chewed Tyler out when you left. Dodie also got mad at him. They don’t blame you.”

That only made him feel worse. Tyler didn’t deserve that. He only said the things he did because he hadn’t properly slotted himself into their lives - he and the other brothers had been in the home for at least five years, but Tyler had arrived late last year. He was angry at the world for taking his parents - Patton had been there. They all had. And then there was the whole thing with Roman… It still didn’t give him the right to say any of those things, though.

“... I can go, if you want.”

“No!” Patton didn’t know where that came from, but suddenly he had the back of Virgil’s shirt held in a vice grip. “ _ Please _ .” He let go.

Virgil stayed. After about two minutes of only Patton’s heavy breathing and occasional sob, he began to hum. When Patton calmed down, he could hear that Virgil was actually softly singing the lyrics.

_ “I’ll believe it all; there’s nothing I won’t understand. I’ll believe it all; I won’t let go of your hand.” _

Patton had never heard this before. He strained to listen to hear the rest, but Virgil quickly stopped.

Patton hadn’t even realised he had stopped shaking until Virgil said, “Glad to have you back, Pat.”

They shared a small smile.

“You should keep singing.”

Virgil broke eye contact. “Nope. Not gonna happen.”

“Aw, please?”

“It would literally take a thousand dollars for me to sing.”

“Hmph.” Patton crossed his arms and stuck out his tongue, childishness be damned.  _ Roman probably had a thousand to spare… Nope, not important.  _

Virgil leant back against his headboard and pulled out his phone. His case was black with a purple stormcloud on it. Patton wondered where he got it from. 

He didn’t ask. Instead, he joined him at the headboard, even though his bed was a single and they were pressed into each other to prevent a fall. Thigh pushed against thigh which made Patton hyper-aware of Virgil’s every move.

He hadn’t cried in front of someone since the night he met Roman, yet he hadn’t felt uncomfortable when Virgil sat by him. Weird.

Patton didn’t dwell on it. He got his own phone out only to see their groupchat kept getting notifications.

**_SLAM_ **

**Roman~** **  
** _ How’s the date going? _

**virge** **  
** _ idk how IS it going L? _

**Logan S.** **  
** _ Roman and I are studying. _

**virge** **  
** _ uh-huh. everyone knows thats code for highkey making out _

**Roman~** **  
** _ Interesting. Patton told me you two were… studying. _

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** _ We are! _

_ Well, we were. _

**Roman~** **  
** _...Because you got distracted by someone? ;) _

**✨PATTON✨** **  
** _ Because of dinner! _

**Logan S.** **  
** _ I’m not one to get involved in these types of situations… but that is extremely suspicious. You two haven’t been on your phones for the past seven hours and you expect us to believe that’s because of studying? _

**virge** **  
** _ u havent been on ur phone either. susPITCHES _

**Logan S.** **  
** _ Suspicious* _

**virge** **  
** _ no its suspitches cuz ur both suspicious bitches _

_ and smh so antisocial arent u two right next to each other _

**Roman~** **  
** _ Hypocrite. _

**virge** **  
** _ {maybe-so.gif} _

The door opened. Remy came in, no smirk this time.

“Tyler’s left for the night,” he informed. The formal tone reminded Patton of what had transpired downstairs. “Virge can take my bed if he wants to stay. It’s pretty late for you.”

Patton checked the time. It was 10:02 p.m. The original plan was for Virgil to leave at 8. He hoped his mother didn’t mind. He glanced over at him.

Virgil didn’t seem bothered by it. “Yeah. It’s not like I’ve got anyone to drive me home.”

“Won’t your mum expect you?”

“She’s not home.”

Patton let it drop.

“Shouldn’t I sleep on the couch though?” Virgil pointed out. “I don’t want to kick you out of your-”

“I haven’t slept in that bed since the day I came here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well-”

Patton scrambled up and covered Remy’s mouth before Virgil could receive the graphic explanation of just  _ where  _ Remy spent his nights that he, Seth and Toby had made the mistake of listening to. “Virgil, don’t ask him that. Trust me.”

Remy held his hands up in surrender. Patton took his hand away. “Don’t you two have an english assignment due?”

“ _ Fuck.” _

Virgil perfectly summed up Patton’s entire thought process.


	9. On a Wire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They hand in their poem and Virgil is 100%, definitively not ignoring Patton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update today. The next chapter will be up Dec 20th.

Stupid Roman. Stupid fucking Roman and his stupid fucking smirk and his stupid fucking  _ car- _

“Shut up, Rotten,” Virgil hissed as he and Patton got into his car early that morning. He was wearing Patton’s shirt underneath his unzipped hoodie (which made Roman smirk wider because he was a dirty little shit).

“I didn’t say anything, Veronica Sawyer.”

Of  _ course  _ Roman would choose her, despite their own similarity being the V in their names. All because he stayed the night. Jackass.

If he had the guts to look at Patton, he would’ve seen a devilish grin on an otherwise innocent face. “I see you’ve decided to pick up Logan first today, despite his house being the closest to school.”

Virgil peered inside car and saw that Logan was indeed inside already. The teen was dozing against the door. He looked back at Roman and raised his eyebrows. “Late night?”

_ Fuck yeah. Make that sucker blush. _

“At least he’s not wearing my clothes.”

“Only ‘cause he’s too tired to change _ for some reason. _ ”

“We stayed up late finishing our assignment! It only made sense for him to stay over!”

“Same here, dickwad,” Virgil muttered, shoving past him and into the car. “And you said you finished it!”

“Everything can be improved, much like your style.”

Roman and Patton talked for a few minutes before they too got inside. Virgil had already taken to ignoring them and sending the occasional glance to Logan to make sure he wasn’t woken up by their jabber.

The teasing ceased when both realised that they couldn’t continue without being hypocritical. Instead, Roman bragged about the genius of his and Logan’s poem and pestered Patton for details about his simultaneously. Patton wouldn’t give though.

Virgil had made him promise he wouldn’t talk about it, since the majority of it was his own writing. Don’t get him wrong, Patton was a huge help with the planning, themes, metaphors, etc. but when it came to the actual writing, Virgil took over.

He hated writing with people watching. He knew his work was mediocre at best, which was why he preferred to get it done in one go then spend hours upon hours editing and reworking parts until it was the slightest bit satisfactory.

His perfectionism was going to kill him one day. Patton was kind at least. He went as far as to compliment his shitty drafting. Despite the insincerity, he felt warm. 

That was probably why he couldn’t look Patton in the eye. They were friends that had barely known each other for two months, and here Virgil was, with a Roman’s-ego-sized crush. The dream hadn’t helped either - in fact, it was probably the reason he felt so guilty.

He dreamt… He had dreamt that Patton had  _ kissed  _ him.

It was a familiar scene - they were on the floor between Patton and Remy’s beds. Virgil was using Patton’s purple pen that had an adorable little kitty on top to scrawl words. As it was a dream, if he tried to look at what he was writing they were simply nonsense letters, but they made sense to him.

He remembered the shock that ran through him when Patton asked who he liked. He remembered that until he asked, Virgil hadn’t even considered that what he felt was a crush. He remembered tensing up, closing his eyes to steady himself, to not give himself away.

Then the dream diverged from reality. In this version, he opened his eyes and hadn’t felt any fear as they locked eyes. In this version, he saw Patton leaning against his cat-covered bed sheets that hung off the bed and instead of Remy bursting in, Virgil had reached a hand up and around Patton’s neck. Then Patton closed his eyes and Virgil did too, but because of shitty dream logic he could still see the scene playing out, like he was floating above.

They both got closer and closer until there was little space between their lips, and in a rare feat of courage Virgil surged forward and closed the gap. It had felt nice in the dream and the few sleep-addled minutes following him waking up that morning, but as soon as he opened his eyes and saw Patton asleep across from, he freaked out.

He had locked himself in the bathroom and gripped their porcelain sink (how the five brothers’ bathroom was so clean, he had no idea). His mind had whirled and he could feel his breaths coming out in short bursts. It was then that he remembered why the original plan was to leave at eight - his meds were at  _ home. _ It had been over a day since his last one and considering he was supposed to take them twice a day at specifically 6 a.m. and 9 p.m. he knew it’d get bad.

His head hurt  _ so. Much.  _ It was a steady pounding, like Virgil had dived too far under water. He couldn’t breathe as his thoughts switched between the tremendous guilt he felt over the dream and the rising panic of not having his medication.

It had taken him thirty minutes to calm down. 

Now, here he sat in a car, after having missed two doses. The pounding in his head had only gotten worse, and panic crept at the back of his mind, ready to rear its head at any given moment.

So, despite already being halfway to school, Virgil took a deep breath and got Roman’s attention.

“Hey,” he murmured, leaning on the back of his seat “do you think we could make a detour to my house?”

Roman rolled his eyes. “Ask Patton. He’s the driver.”

“Ask me what?”

You know what? He was fine. He didn’t need his meds-

“Virgil wants to stop by his house,” Logan piped up, waking up just to betray Virgil it seemed.  _ Traitor. _

“Yeah, of course!” Patton’s eyes shifted to him in the mirror but Virgil dropped his gaze. That was enough interaction with him for the day.

The car turned around with minimal groaning from Roman, only because Logan kicked his chair after the second complaint.

When they arrived at school, Virgil’s anxiety pills in his bag and an understanding, mildly-guilty look on Roman’s face, the quartet rushed to the library to print off their final works. Virgil was relieved to see at least half of his AP Lit. class also there, milling around the printer and waiting for the old machine to churn out their assignments.

Class unity at its finest.

Logan made a comment about Roman having a bad influence on him and Virgil had to agree that this was the only time he and Logan had been this stressed the morning something was due and it was mostly because of their project partners. Next time, Virgil swore that he’d snag Logan and they’d become the most productive partners in Mr Sanders’ history of teaching.

At least he had taken his meds now, so he was calming down a tad. (Logan had given him some food in the car without any prompting. Virgil wondered if it was super obvious.)

The first bell rung and the crowd of students let out a collective curse as the anxious hum resumed. They were going to be here a while.

“I’ve finished grading your assignments!” Mr Sanders announced on Halloween day to a class of skeletons, ghouls, vague anime characters and superheroes. No one cheered. Virgil saw someone bang their head on their desk. “I must say, poetry is always a hard unit but quite a few of you impressed me.” He began to hand out their poems, starting from the back of the class.

“There were two students who stood out the most.” Virgil could see Roman’s ears pick up. He was pretty sure he was preemptively writing a celebratory acceptance speech.  _ Nerd.  _ “I of course expected their work to be good, considering I was familiar with the quality of their work already.”

_ Yep. Definitely Logan and Roman’s. _

“I had no idea it’d be that amazing, though!” That was a bit arrogant, in Virgil’s opinion. Logan was his son. Now Thomas sounded like one of those soccer mums who boasted about their superior parenting. “That’s why we’ll be going through it in class today! So, Logan, Roman…”

_ Here we go.  _ Virgil rolled his eyes at the smug way Logan moved his glasses. Maybe he was just fixing up their position but people with glasses always seemed smug so he was sticking with his first opinion. Not that he was bitter or anything.

“Could you please hand out Virgil and Patton’s poem,  _ Eos _ ?”

What. The.  _ Fuck _ .

Mr Sanders had officially lost his mind. Either that, or Patton was some kind of genius at poetry writing - so much so that they had beat out  _ Logan and Roman,  _ the biggest poetry nerds he could think of.

Roman didn’t seem too offended though, just mildly disappointed, as with Logan. However, they both congratulated them so there didn’t seem to be any hard feelings. Patton thanked them but then had the  _ audacity  _ to inform them it was mostly Virgil’s writing.

“That’s not true!” Virgil protested, forgetting entirely about his two-week long coldness towards his friend. “You’re the one that said it should be about love!”

“You’re the one who turned one suggestion from me into an  _ A+.” _

Virgil spluttered, trying to figure out a way he could brush it off without insulting his and Patton’s hard work any further.

Mr Sanders cleared his throat. “We’ve all got copies? Good. First, let’s talk about the title.  _ Eos.  _ Can anyone tell me what this is in reference too? No one? Well, Patton, why don’t you take this one?”

“Uh, Virgil chose the name, sir. He wouldn’t tell me what it meant but I trust him so…”

“That’s alright. I didn’t know you liked Greek Mythology, Virgil.” Mr Sanders smiled at him. Virgil was so warm he contemplated shrugging off his hoodie. “Care to explain?”

“Um… basically, she was the goddess of dawn and well, the poem starts off at dawn.”

“Is that all?” Mr Sanders sighed when Virgil didn’t elaborate. “Well, Virgil, I hope you know that I read about her anyway.”

_ Fuck.  _ Okay, in his defence, he hadn’t  _ meant  _ for her to fit their poem so well. He chose the name  _ after  _ writing it, so no matter her history of unrequited love, Mr Sanders couldn’t prove that it  _ wasn’t  _ just because of her physical appearance.

“Right, well, I guess she’s also described as beautiful and quite literally rosy, and she had white bird wings, like, uh, like the second bird.”

Mr Sanders 100% knew there was more to it than that, but he moved on. Thank fuck.

“Thank you, Virgil. Right, who volunteers to read?” No one but Logan put their hand up.

He cleared his throat and secured his glasses’ place on his nose, and began to read.

_ A deep pink sun rises above the horizon; _ __  
_ Chasing off lingering darkness. _ __  
_ A white dove sits on a powerline; _ _  
_ __ Talons gripping tight.

_ Still as a statue; _ __  
_ Or perhaps a porcelain doll; _ __  
_ Its feathers haven’t graced sunlight - _ _  
_ __ Not yet.

_ Old buildings watch with bated breath; _ __  
_ Another dove soars above. _ __  
_ Higher than the town; _ _  
_ __ Flying like the first dove can only dream of.

_ Its lived its whole life on this line; _ __  
_ Too scared to jump; _ __  
_ Too scared to fall; _ _  
_ __ Too scared to fly.

_ The second dove does not fly east; _ __  
_ Not into the sun. _ __  
_ Instead, it dips down; _ _  
_ __ And perches on the wire.

_ The line grins; _ __  
_ And dips; _ __  
_ And the two doves are brought together; _ _  
_ __ Meeting in the middle.

_ Brighter than the sun behind; _ __  
_ Fluffier than the clouds above; _ __  
_ Prettier than the roses below; _ _  
_ __ The second dove is everything;

_ And the first longs to join it. _ __  
_ It thinks, not for the first time; _ __  
_ About wind under its wings; _ _  
_ __ Ruffling its feathers.

_ It pictures soaring with the other; _ __  
_ Tracing patterns in the blue. _ __  
_ It dreams of a nest not on wire; _ _  
_ __ But amidst leaves.

_ The second dove chirps tales; _ __  
_ Of far away lands; _ __  
_ And towering, snow-kissed mountains; _ _  
_ __ And sparkling, white-speckled lakes;

_ And the wire smiles wider; _ __  
_ And they’re drawn closer; _ __  
_ And their wings brush; _ _  
_ __ And the first dove uncurls a talon -

_ But he is too late. _ __  
_ The sun will not allow it. _ __  
_ The shadows creep up; _ _  
_ __ And the rose-red sun retreats west.

_ His friend takes flight; _ __  
_ But he does not; _ __  
_ Because he waited too long; _ _  
_ __ And feared too much.

“Now, I know you’re all sick of poetry so I won’t go in-depth today,” Mr Sanders said to the relief of Virgil and everyone else in the class. “It truly is a wonderful poem. Well done, Mr Maro and Mr Adde. Let this wonderful writing serve as a message to you all: tell people how you feel before it's too late. Life is too short to be afraid.”

Virgil slid his eyes across to Patton. Easy enough for him to say. Mr Sanders looked twice their age; of course he had it figured out.

(It gave him some hope, though. If Mr Sanders managed to push through despite his anxiety, maybe Virgil could too. Maybe he should apologise for ignoring Patton. Maybe he should tell him about the dream.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the next chapter I'm taking a month long break to work in another stop pretty much nonstop without my laptop. Hopefully I'll be back around January 15th, but I truthfully have no idea.
> 
> I would also like to apologise in advance because uhh chapter 10... is probably not the best place to end it on ;)


	10. And the Other...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The quartet attend their town’s annual Halloween fair and Virgil might be ignoring Patton just a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: asthma attack, panic attack, death mention (but no actual character death), lowkey angst & a lot of swearing. another spoiler-y warning so stop reading if you don't wanna have it spoiled: one of the main characters gets deadnamed accidentally

_ Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.  _ Virgil was buzzing with excitement as he got into Roman’s car that afternoon, because as soon as they left the gates of this hell-hole the festivities would truly begin. They had made plans earlier to go to the annual local parade, but everyone knew that that wasn’t the exciting part.

Once the parade finished, everyone was free to head to the fair site.

Their town was small, but their festivals were as extravagant as Roman, if not more. Milton took every opportunity to throw a party because otherwise, they’d all collectively die of boredom. 

No one was getting dropped off today - they were all headed to Roman’s to get changed into the outfits they had in their bags and - in the case of Virgil and Roman - getting their makeup done. Virgil had opted for Jack Skellington and Roman, naturally, was a prince.

Patton didn’t seem too keen until Roman offhandedly mentioned that his dad had gone on a month long business trip. Maybe Roman’s dad was super scary. Maybe-

_ What. The. Fuck. _

Okay, he knew Roman was rich, but what the fuck kind of kid lived in a god damn mansion?

Right, maybe his perception was skewed because of his tiny apartment, but there was no denying that Roman’s house was ridiculously big. Four fucking stories. Who needed four bloody stories? If he and his mum lived here, that’d be two stories each. What kind of rich person fuckery-

“Welcome to my humble abode!” Roman announced, hands gesturing to his  _ humble abode  _ in a wide sweeping gesture. 

Even their lawn was perfect. Not a single piece of impossible green grass was out of place. Virgil hadn’t hated Roman once since that day he defended Logan, but now he was furious. How dare he be rich. That was homophobic to him, a bisexual whose kitchen was also the living and dining room.

Logan shared his sentiment. “He said the same thing when I came over. It still isn’t humble,” he muttered to Virgil.

Virgil had no idea how Roman could navigate the halls and stairways. There were rooms  _ in rooms  _ (Roman insisted it was a closet but Virgil didn’t want to think about the sheer amount of clothes that would mandate a closet the size of his bedroom.)

Eventually they arrived in Roman’s room. The bed was a canopy king-sized one, because Roman was just that extra, apparently.

Patton immediately flopped down on it, babbling about how there was going to be a ferris wheel at the park or whatever, whereas Logan sat in the plush armchair in the corner. Roman plonked Virgil in front of a vanity that had seen better days.

How long had Roman been acting for? The vanity was bright pink and had smears and stains from years worth of performances. There were stickers on it - some Roman had clearly made an attempt to scratch off, but he must’ve given up because there were semi-destroyed stickers showing whatever half of One Direction survived the removal attempt and the others showed My Little Pony or other 2000s kids’ shows.

“I thought you were an only child,” Virgil commented.

Roman frowned. “I am.” Then he followed Virgil’s gaze and visibly paled. 

“Oh. Well, I suppose we all go through phases,” Virgil shrugged. He ran his fingers over the desk, feeling the grooves and dents. How hard had Roman been putting his makeup down? It was like he had slammed something on here.

“No- no, my, uh, my mum gave this to me. She and her sister used to use it. I tried to get the stickers off but-”

“Dude, I’m not judging.”

“It’s not mine!”

“ _ To my little Rose,”  _ Virgil read the inscription scrawled on the right corner of the vanity closest to him. That had also been semi-scratched and it was where the most spills and smears of makeup were. “That’s a cute nickname. Maybe I should use it.”

He didn’t respond. The whole room had gone silent.

Virgil peered in the mirror at the rest of them - Patton looked horrified, Logan had a hand reached out to Roman and Roman… Roman was  _ shaking. _

Oh fuck _.  _ What had he done? Maybe Rose was Roman’s dead sister and he just - god damn it, why didn’t he have any control?

“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Just drop it, Virgil.”

That was Logan. Patton shot a curious glance over at him but then immediately focussed back on Roman, frowning. It seemed everyone in this room but Virgil knew why Roman looked like he was on the verge of-  _ he was on the verge of a panic attack. _

Virgil pushed back the chair and rushed over to Roman. He had sunk to the floor and his chest was heaving. Logan wrung his hands and Patton got up to help.

“Stay away,” Virgil warned when he saw that he was about to touch him. This was his first time speaking to Patton in a while, but he brushed off the thought.

He was a panic attack extraordinaire, but helping someone out of one? He hadn’t had to do that before. At least Logan seemed to know that touching was the worst thing you could do and kept his distance. “Roman, can you hear me?”

Roman didn’t respond. His eyes pricked with tears and he flinched at the sound, so Virgil took it as a yes.

He lowered his voice. “You need to breathe. Try breathing in to the count of four - you don’t have to make it, just try.”

The next breath Roman drew in was shaky and only lasted a second before he gulped another lungful of air. It was still a step-up from before.

“That’s it. Keep trying to breathe in - don’t let it out straight away. Draw it out.” God, he hoped he wasn’t fucking this up. “...I won’t bring it up again, so you don’t have to worry about that. I won’t ask. I’m sorry.”

That appeared to have some effect. Roman smiled for a second before he was too weak to continue. He lifted his hand and limply waved Patton over. Virgil stepped back, allowing him to go to Roman. He straightened up, knees hurting but he felt too invasive to stay-

Roman caught the bottom of his shirt and pulled him back down. Virgil frowned, wondering what he had done now, when Patton enveloped him too. He was so concerned about Roman he forgot to keep his distance from Patton.

“Get over here, L,” he grumbled, resigning himself to his fate but wanting to drag his friend down with him. Logan sighed and got off the bed, brushed himself off and joined the cuddle pile.

An hour later, they arrived at Carpenter’s Park. Already, there was a line of bands, dancers and decked out vehicles that were leading the parade from Milton’s City Hall to the river. 

There were quite a few Jack Skellingtons, but Virgil for once felt like his costume was among the better ones. Once Roman had recovered, they finally got their makeup finished. Surprising everyone, it was pretty simple - mostly just foundation, eyeshadow and black lipstick for Virgil.

Roman opted for the same, but in less of a dark, skeleton way and more of a over-the-top prince way. There was no denying he looked really good though.

Roman clapped his hands together, the gold tailoring on his top reflecting the light from the fairgrounds. “Right, where to first?”

“Food!” Patton called. Logan shrugged. Virgil nodded in agreement (he had spotted a fairy floss machine near the street, and if he didn’t have a stick of the sugary goodness in his hand within the next five minutes, there wasn’t a point in being here).

Roman and Logan went off to find a savoury item leaving Virgil and Patton to stand around in the middle of the park. Virgil kept his eyes trained on the far off parade. The dances were pretty good this year.

“So… What do you feel like?” Patton asked.

Virgil shrugged. The parade was wrapping up. It was mostly only people in costumes walking over here now.

“There’s fairy floss over there. Do you want some?”

Virgil’s gaze snapped to Patton. “Sure.”

He may have sounded disinterested, but he was already scanning the grounds for the fairy floss stall Patton had mentioned. His mouth watered as he pictured the fluffy, sugary goodness melting in his mouth.

“C’mon!” Patton tugged him, hand gripping Virgil’s wrist as they beelined for the machine. Virgil did his best not to wrench his arm away.

Unfortunately, the line was twenty people long. Even worse, Virge realised he forgot his money. How he managed to leave something so important behind, he had no idea, but now the entire night was going to be  _ shit. _

He stepped out of the line.

“Where are you going?” Patton asked.

“Didn’t bring money.”

“Oh.” Patton brightened. “We can share! Look how big they are!” 

Someone walked past carrying fairy floss the size of their torso. Virgil had never craved something more - he’d  _ kill  _ for that. He put aside his vendetta against accepting things for the night and stood next to Patton, trying to keep his excitement to a minimum.

Patton beamed.  _ He must really love fairy floss _ , Virgil thought.

When they finally reached the front of the line, Patton paid the vendor five bucks and Virgil watched in awe as the person operating the machine dipped a paper stick into it, spinning it around to catch the wisps of pale pink webs. When he was younger - when his mum had the time to take him to things like this - he had always been so intrigued with how they could just pour in pink sugar and out would come delicate strands of his favourite treat.

He watched the vendor expertly roll their wrists to twist the webs around.

Until he caught Patton staring at him.

Immediately, Virgil tore his eyes away and resolved to stare at the trampled ground underneath him. If the litter of orange and brown leaves could part and swallow him whole right now, that would be nice.

Patton, upon noticing Virgil’s obvious embarrassment, was quick to provide what he thought was comfort. “Don’t worry, I find it cute.”

Great, so now he was being made fun of. Virgil scoffed and marched forward to grab their fairy floss. 

Through a particularly big piece he had torn off, Virgil side-eyed him. He had pink sugar coating his own fingers and dusting his cheeks and lips, but Patton barely ate any of it.

His friend was uncharacteristically silent. Virgil was about to ask what was up with him when Patton answered it himself.

“Did I do something wrong?”

The question caught Virgil off guard. Why would Patton say something like that? He supposed he did make a big deal out of the cute thing, but that was mostly jesting. Patton had never minded before. Maybe  _ Virgil  _ did something wrong.

“It’s just, you’ve barely looked at me lately. I keep trying to talk to you and I always seem to end up saying the wrong thing. I don’t know what to do - are you mad? Can you please just tell me what I did?”

Oh.

Virgil took a step towards his friend, but then faltered. How did he tell him that it hurt to look at him? How did he even begin to explain the dream? That each time they interacted was just another reminder that Patton was so  _ good  _ and Virgil wasn’t? That he didn’t deserve such a wonderful friend, let alone something more?

Patton hastily wiped his eyes. “Forget it,” he mumbled, forcing a smile as tears dripped their way down his face. “I’m ruining the night. Let’s just have fun, yeah?”

“Patton-”

He had already wandered off. Virgil watched him disappear into the mass of costumes, shoving past with one arm over his face.

He had fucked up, hadn’t he?

When he had lost Patton’s head in the crowd, Virgil snapped back to reality and began to run. He didn’t care that he was flinging fairy floss around the ground (it was already littered with various candy wrappers and loose pieces of costumes anyway). All he cared about was Patton.

He sprinted for the first time since P.E. last year, shouting out apologies as he weaved through the crowd. He paid no mind to the dirty looks shot at him, and he didn’t even care when a classmate told him to watch it. That was all background noise to him.

He felt the blood in his ears, but he fought off the panic as he whipped his head back and forth, scanning the throbbing mass of people for his friend.

Eventually, he spotted Logan. Thank goodness he was so tall. (Any other time, Virgil would’ve made a complaint about how unfair it was that he was 6’ compared to Virgil’s perfectly average 5’8”. Not that he had researched the average height of a seventeen year old or anything. At least he towered over the tiny Roman and Patton when he actually straightened his back.)

Virgil rushed over, not giving a damn about the breaths that clawed at his burning throat. He needed to find Patton.

“Have you guys seen Patton?” he panted.

Roman and Logan looked at each other. “Not that I know of,” Roman answered. “I thought he was with you.”

“He was but- never mind.” Virgil had spotted the ferris wheel. “Can I borrow some money?”

Logan held out a $20 note and was halfway through asking why when Virgil grabbed it and took off again.

Patton had mentioned it, right? What had he said about it?

_ “I haven’t been on a ferris wheel since my parents took me to one on my eighth birthday. It was one of my last memories of them.” _

Virgil stood underneath it, gazing up at the carriages. He could only see the few who were near the ground - others were above the light, so he could only see silhouettes. Patton could be in any one of them.  _ Damn it. _

Virgil kicked at the dirt in frustration. He didn’t want to wait - he had to apologise now otherwise Patton would brush it off and pretend he was fine. He wasn’t. And he wouldn’t be until Virgil sorted this mess out… but he was too late. Patton was probably already on the ferris wheel, or maybe he wasn’t even here at all. Maybe he had left.

He was midway through cursing himself when he heard one of the staff ask, “Are you alright there, son?”

He whipped around to see one of the operators holding the gate open for Patton, who forced another smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“...Alright, then.”

Virgil’s feet pounded against the ground as he slipped his way past the gate into the carriage with Patton. The guard was about to protest like all the other waiting parents and kids were when he chucked the $20 Logan had given him to him.

“One round, please.”

The man nodded and shut the gate.

Neither of them said anything until they were out of the light. Virgil could still hear Patton’s sniffles as he fought the tight feeling in his chest, coughing every now and then.

“Hey,” he decided on. Ya know, like an  _ idiot. _

“...Hey.”

Patton’s voice was so quiet. Virgil had never hated himself more.

“I just want you to know-”

“I’m sorry for-”

They both paused, then laughed. That hurt Virgil’s burning throat even more. He’d need water or something soon - god, he was so unfit.

“Can I go first?” Patton nodded. “Cool. Well, uh, I guess I should start off by apologising for being a dick. Don’t deny it. You didn’t do anything wrong at all and I just… ignored you. I’m sorry. The thing is, I… Well, the reason I gave you the cold-shoulder was… it was because…” Virgil took a deep breath, not only in anticipation but also because his chest was so  _ tight  _ he had practically wheezed out the apology.

“You still have the fairy floss.”

Virgil looked down and saw that he was, in fact, still holding the treat. “Oh. Want some?” He extended it out to Patton, who grabbed off a large piece. He was smiling now. Virgil only hoped it wasn’t faked.

“I can see why you love it so much. Anyway, what were you saying?”

“I was a dick because-” he broke off into a coughing fit. Virgil’s breathing was only getting worse. It wasn’t a panic attack, even though he couldn’t draw in a proper breath. The realisation caused him to gasp, but it was like there wasn’t any air. Was he  _ dying?  _

The coughs racked his chest, and the harsh hacking burned his throat and eyes. There was a dry gasping sound filling the carriage, and he soon realised that that was him.

He felt Patton lean forward, rocking their carriage. He was distantly aware of his hands fluttering around Virgil, and he let Patton position him upright.

“Virgil,” Patton said through a wall of water, “you have to take deep breaths. C’mon, big breaths through your nose. You can do it.”

Virgil tried his best to follow Patton’s instructions. Eventually, the feeling began to subside as they came back down to the ground. Patton led him off the ferris wheel and into the backseat of Roman’s car.

Virgil watched bleary-eyed as Patton rummaged around in the front seat. He produced a water bottle and climbed into the backseat next to Virgil and gave it to him. Virgil gulped down the water, grimacing at the taste (he had always preferred juice or tea over plain water) but grateful nonetheless.

Once he had finished, he felt exhausted. Today had been far too turbulent for his taste. 

“How’d you know what to do?” Virgil murmured.

“Seth has asthma. I figured that you were probably having an asthma attack.”

“Oh.” He hadn’t had an attack in five years. He’d have to inform his mum and… He was too tired to finish the thought. His eyes began to droop along with his body.

Without really acknowledging what he was doing, his head slipped onto Patton’s shoulder, his eyes closed.

Patton began stroking his hair, soft and gentle as always. Virgil got coaxed further and further into sleep.

He wasn’t sure how long it had been, but he woke up a few times to someone -  _ Patton,  _ the rational part of his mind supplied - speaking to him quietly.

Most of it was indistinguishable snippets of conversation, or soft shushing whenever he shifted too much, but he did hear one part.

“I’m glad we’re friends again,” he heard. “I don’t know what you were going to say, but it doesn’t matter. I forgive you.”

If Virgil had the guts, he’d open his eyes. He’d sit up right now and look at Patton and tell him everything. He’d apologise again, and explain the dream and how guilty he felt, and Patton wouldn’t mind because he was the kindest human on earth.

If Virgil had the guts, he’d kiss him.

But Virgil kept his talons tight around the powerline and drifted back to sleep, the moment over.

Because he waited too long.

And feared too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be up late January. I'm so sorry for ending it here, but once again, I'll be working in a different state and everything. 
> 
> The next 4(+?) chapters won't be Patton's nor Virgil's POV just so you know!
> 
> Anyways, how was this update?

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a chaptered slowburn fic with the main pairings as logince and moxiety! Please leave a comment telling me what you think of the first chapter. This updates every other day - until I get to the middle of the story (which will be around 12 chapters away), as I'm going on holiday.


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